Still on my In-country Orientation ( or commonly known as “they cant find a house for me !” ) Â Well that’s not quite true but more about that later.
Heard at the beginning of this week that I just needed 5 sessions on the motor bike before I’m let out onto the Malawian roads – apparently this is a good thing – not me being on the Malawian roads which quite frankly terrifies me, but the fact I only have to do 5 sessions of training as opposed to 15 sessions. Â Not sure when they begin but hopefully this week as I clearly need the motor bike when Im in Mangochi. Â Presumably I cant go until Im judged to be a safe motor cyclist on roads that are busy to say the least and manic at the worst. Can’t wait ! Â And of course can’t go yet as havent found a house yet, but that was last week’s adventure.
“We’re off to Mangochi to find a house !” Â Great …….. and off we set. Â The roads in Malawi. particularly in towns and cities are fairly crowded,but as you get out into the country they are very straight, the traffic eases up but there are always people walking along the sides
 of the road and every so often there is a police road block and or a speed camera !  Well we stopped at a road block and speed camera and I thought it was a very interesting thing as it was the first time that I had encountered it and in hind sight, well ………. probably not a good idea …… but …….. thought to record events that happened I lifted my camera up to take a photo …………………WRONG decision.  It was not warmly received.  In no uncertain terms I was told to get out of the car, and suddenly was taken back to my school days when standing in front of the head teacher for not wearing my cap to school………….Sorry sir, I didn’t know, Im sorry, It wont happen again, so sorry, I’m new here, I didn’t understand,  etc etc.. That made no difference in my school days and I received the obligatory slipper ! but I thought Id give it a go and fortunately it worked this time.  I was severely told off.  He demanded to see all the photographs and fortunately I hadn’t actually clicked the button so there wasn’t a photo  … It was very much a one way conversation and series of questions which didn’t really expect an answer  except for repetitive “sorry, sorry” Told in no uncertain terms to get back into the car and we were on our way ! Lesson learned !
Looking for houses in Mangochi was a fascinating experience.  It wasn’t an Estate Agent experience more like finding a person, who knew a person who had an uncle who knew someone’s brother  whose cousin was letting a house but it may not be built yet.  Fortunately I had two brilliant people with me who just seemed to know everyone in Mangochi although they’d never met them before !
The morning of the visit gave me my first view  of probably one of the most important geographical landmarks of the country, Lake Malawi.  Apparently the lake has more species of fish than any other lake certainly in Africa if not the world   I was introduced here to what is apparently the best tasting fish you can have – Chambo – so obviously i had to try it
A really beautiful lake, that early in the morning had the fishermen collecting their nets and placing their fish in containers ready to sell them  As well as the washing of clothes by the ladies at the waters edge.  The beach at the lake was just a hive of activity.  A fantastic scene to witness and one which I guess I will become used to but seeing it for the first time it just made you stand and take it all in .

                  And then of course the ladies carry their washing home – just amazing
Ready to search for the house we ventured into Mangochi which was just teeming with people, bikes, stalls, sellers, goats, stores   Such a busy place .  With mainly a tarmaced road ( no kerbs of course so its just a raised piece of road) with a few crossroads and then as you turn down these the tarmac gives way to dirt roads, bumps, ridges and all sorts of holes to catch out the uninitiated visitor.  We venture down one such road, with 2
additional passengers, a lady and her nephew, who are our guides to find this house. We arrive outside a house that is surrounded by the wall and security gate.  Looking around the house it looks good and very spacious but sadly it isn’t finished yet, and the builders are still inside it. Interestingly they live inside the house while they build it, their personal mosquito nets are carefully positioned in some of the rooms.  They say it will be finished in 2 weeks.  The plastering needed doing, utilities had to be put in and windows. Â
It would be very handy if I want to hone up my soccer skills as the football pitch is right in front of the gates. Â We wait outside while we try to contact the owner to discuss the cost but sadly she wasn’t availableIt – Â definitely looked a good prospect
but whether it would be ready for me is another question  We will have to wait and see.   Whilst waiting we buy some small orange fruit ‘things’ for which there isnt an equivalent in English.
On to another and another. Â Stop off to ask another man who has a friend who has a cousin who might know someone. Â This meeting took place right by the Lake, and I was told that if while I was in Mangochi then this would be the place to come and swim. Just come and ask for the owner of these lodges. Â I thanked him and thought what a great idea – ………… “Oh but you will just have to mind the crocodiles ‘cos this is where they come ! ” Â …………… ” oh ok thanks for that I’ll think about it and let you know ! ”
We venture down what does appear to be a footpath around a very tight corner…………… we drive down the very narrow footpath – eyes closed ( mine I hasten to add not the driver thankfully ! )
At this house I had to stay in the car as we were told that as soon as they saw me, being a different colour to everyone else, the price of the rental would at least double if not treble. Â Again I was taken back in my memory when as a child my mother and father, as a rare Sunday treat, went to a country pub. Â I dutifully stayed in the car with my lemonade and packet of crisps for an hour or so and waited for their return.
So I sat in the car, ate my orange and I observed the discussion outside the gate and then they went inside the compound to reappear again 10
minutes later. This apparently looked a really good house, which unfortunately they couldn’t go inside as the owner was away but from the outside it looked really good. Â So fingers crossed. Â We then drove the long journey back to Lilongwe – quite how Im going to do this journey on my motor bike I’m not quite sure. Â It goes right through the mountains, a very twisty and steep road where there used to be barriers on the side of the most dangerous bits but these have ‘disappeared’! Â But I’m sure after 5 sessions I’ll be raring to go – mmmmmm …do you really think so ? ?
To add to the excitement of the week, those of you who know me, know I can last without food, without comforts etc but I really cant do without music.  Being all prepared I downloaded almost my whole collection of CDs, records ( or as they call it now Vinyls – you young people – huh  ! ) and made sure I had Spotify on every device, though without the Internet not sure how that will work but we will see.  Two days in my Bluetooth speaker, JBL Flip 3, (for those of you who are interested and you’re probably not but I just thought that if someone from JBL sees this they might feel sorry for me and send me a new one ! ) that has worked beautifully for the last year, suddenly decided to just pack in.  Buttons refused to work.  What do you do in situations like this besides for smashing it against the wall and shouting – a’ la John Cleese fashion – “You ********* worked for me in ****** England Why do you ****** wait until now to pack in  ?  I’m going to thrash you within an inch of your life ”  But instead turn to Youtube and some guy in the States had exactly the same problem and without going into detail, as you’ve probably already dropped off to sleep, I managed to get it kind of working, though not as it should !!!  So sanity is restored and the hills are alive again !  Note to JBL I can give you my forwarding address at any time ! And if it stops again. can anyone recommend any good books to read ………………
To round off the week I went with a fellow Volunteer to undergo my first visit to schools. Â
The whole reason why I’m out here – and wow I was just blown away.  The children were so so well behaved.  I just stood and watched as these  6 year olds walked into the Learning centre ( 30 children out of a class of 150)
They sat on the rush mats and waited beautifully. Â They passed the iPads along the line of 4, received their headphones, logged onto their group and found their names. Â Without any further fuss they proceeded to work their way through the tasks on the iPads. Â Hardly a word
was spoken and certainly not by the children.
The smiles were enormous when they completed a task and if they got something wrong there was no question of asking for help, they just sat there and tried to work it out for themselves, and repeated it until they got it right or the program moved them on. Â At the end of session they closed the iPads, took off their headphones and just moved
silently out of the class.
These children were  6 years of age  and many had very very poor literacy and numeracy skills, if any.  To watch them working within this environment was just amazing.  Definitely some lessons to be learned by others I think 
My first introduction to schools and I cant wait to go into my own group of schools.
And then to round off a brilliant morning I watched as some of the children performed in front of the school.  I was invited to sit and watch.  And it was a role reversal  as the teachers took pictures of me just sitting there watching the festivities  It was a fantastic experience. This is Malawi


The staple diet is either chicken (in all forms) and Nsima. Â Â This is cooked, ground white maize flour that is used as the stodge ( and I mean that in the nicest way) for the majority of malawian meals. Â Eaten with your fingers this was my introduction to Malawian food. But to eat it you have to wash your hands first. Â I walked over to the sink and turned the tap on but no water. Â Fortunately my ‘minder’ while I’m country orientating was with me and asked them to turn on the water. Apparently it is turned off to save for when there is a problem with water supply. Â As I don’t have a big appetite I only managed one Nsima. As people had previously told me it has no taste at all but is very filling. So filling that I haven’t eaten another one – yet !
My home for the next few days is  the Country Office in the guest house. I’m staying here until accommodation can be found for me in Mangochi.  I guess at the moment I’m very lucky as I do have a fairly secure wifi access something I won’t have when I go ‘into the country .  We  have guards on the gates and it does take some getting used to them letting you out and then knocking on the
out for a yoghurt ! ( not that I used to eat yoghurt but you get the gist  …………..and I do now! ……..)
money into a machine and click its done – in Malawi you get the personal touch. Â A lovely photo shop with a pulled curtain and a chair at the far end of the room. Â A gentleman with a camera appears and takes your photo – telling me head to the left, no thats too much, not enough – ( I really couldn’t do a photo shoot. ) And then hey presto in a few minutes you’re given your 2 Passport photos.






this is devised by people who just want to create patterns with cones and make you drive around them on a two wheeled vehicle that was never made to go round cones spaced only a few metres apart.  So here we go again and according to local legend (or so I am told) if I’m ok on the bike then I will only need 5 days of training to be ready for the Malawian roads and if  I hit the cones or don’t manoeuvre in a figure of 8,  6 times successfully I’ll need 15 days !!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait ! As I write this I am awaiting to hear the full verdict and the sentence !
As I sit here in Johannesburg airport waiting for my final flight, I look back on the last 2 weeks and just go – WOW!  They really did just fly by – I am the world’s biggest Procrastinator – ( a brilliant talk on TED on Procrastination – if you haven’t seen it it’s well worth a watch ) –  “Don’t do things today when you can always do it tomorrow ! ”  The trouble with that is – I did have an end date – i.e. 26th ! and with so many things to do and so many people to see I give myself an impossible task.  There were people I didn’t actually get to see before I left. And I really did want to see them but for some reason my brain seems to work on a different time scale to  GMT !  (so my apologies ) I think I can do things when I actually don’t have the days or hours to do it!  Its the same philosophy as ‘it’ll only take 5 minutes to get there when in reality it’s a half hour drive ! I didn’t get the nickname for nothing – and those who don’t know it you will have to guess !!

I was slightly confused in Johannesburg when arriving, I stopped to check my ticket.  A fatal mistake as when I looked up everyone else had gone, no others to follow ! Walking down airport corridors totally on your own is very scary  With no real idea of where you are going you just keep walking and hope for the best.  Come to the sign Connecting flights ! Well thats me, so you dutifully follow
but in the back of your mind you also read the sign that says “Collect your bags for connecting flights”, but you remember the lady at check in in Manchester saying your bags went all the way on the journey, so you ignore the signs and cross your fingers while you’re walking.  Still totally on your own you see the sign Connecting flights – International and Connecting flights Domestic ! Decision time – based on lack of geographical knowledge –  is travelling to Malawi from Johannesburg, international or domestic – Snap decision as no-one else to follow ! Domestic  – based on It’s in Africa and not out of Africa ( good title for a  film !) …………….. wrong ! But was directed towards the correct place after queuing for 30 mins, by a very polite Customs guy !  Again the long walk, on your own, through the detectors which I set off 4 times as I forgot I was wearing a belt !

Then we come to the Comfort zone……….. well actually not the comfort zone at all. As far removed from the comfort zone that you can get!  Two days after the VSO  training – oh by the way we’ve booked you on some motor bike training days and it’s in 3 days time !
I decided to take the cowards way out, and just sit down, like a child waiting outside the headmasters office, and wait to be told what to do whilst a collection of other riders came in and donned the gear. Clearly they all had experience of riding and being there before, as these largish gentlemen ( well larger than me – not difficult I know) many bearded, put their armour on ready to do battle in the gladiator ring known as the ‘The Conned Playground’





