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Warning – this post will contain elements of self-pity, memory-loss and – forgot what I was going to say !

Apologies from the outset as I wrote this a few months back and forgot to click the ‘Publish’ button!  What can I say !!!!!  Old age comes to us all !!!

It’s now almost 10 months since I last posted a blog. That could be for a number of reasons:-

  1. Old age –  Forgotten passwords, how to use the blog, why am I writing, what am I writing and even why did I come into this room !

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2.     Nothing momentous or exciting has happened in the last 11 months!

or

3.        Why would anyome want to read it in the first place ?

and lastly –

4.   I’ve run so many races/runs that I just haven’t had time to put pen to paper or (to be down their with the kids !) fingers to keys. – they probably don’t say that but hey !

So why am I writing it now, I hear you shout –  !

Well – and this is the self pity bit – I haven’t run now for almost 3 weeks.  Now that may not seem a long time but to me it seems like years.  In fact so much so I had to go back 3 times to my calendar to actually sit there and count the days.  It has seemed like an eternity ! Now I realise this is pathetic and “Just get over yerself !” I hear you shout again ! But it has seemed like ages ago that I ran.  I also realise that my little “Knee problem” is absolutely nothing compared to what others ( those in particular that Im trying to raise money for !) are going through, so my apologies for whinging !! So I feel a need for a recap and what has brought me to this self-pitying stage !

My aim was to run 1 or 2 races every month leading up to London Marathon 2024.  Well I did ! And if I went through each of the runs step by step; and that’s an awful lot of steps; all of you particularly me would have fallen asleep ( must be the old age !) and this blog would make the Guinness Book of Records for being the longest boring blog on record. Currently up there in the top ten !   So not only am I going to be self-pitying, and Ill get to that bit later but Im going to be self-indulgent and just highlight some of the highlights – as they say a ‘dump’ .  How cool am I ?

Take for example the Great North Run in  September 2023.  The downside of this run is that you are told to be in your ‘pen’ at the same time as everyone else regardless of your start time !  This means that you are standing around for almost 2 hours before the run.  The positive side is you can bore everyone around you all about your reason for running, how many runs you’ve already completed and in general your life history since you first went to Nursery school! My thanks to the two lovely people, (you know who you area although you probably don’t read this !)  who I was next to during these 2 hours who listened and nodded in all the right moments. My grateful thanks for putting up with my mutterings    They must have felt pity for me – looking at my ageing years and thought, “This guy is not going to last the full distance!”  One of them even told me afterwards that as she went zooming past me I didn’t say hello, as I thought it may  put you off !!

But I did finish and then encountered the biggest downpour Gateshead has ever seen !!  So heavy that trams stopped, busses stopped and the ferry stopped !  75,000 runners and probably an equal amount of spectators all trapped in Gateshead !

 

 

Took me longer in the queue for the ferry
than it did to run half a marathon – Will I do it again this year ????   Of course I will !  Running it for Rosemere Cancer Foundation where Laura had a lot of her treatment.

 

I have just realised that I think I will need to cut this blog up into Episodes.  As each of the runs Ive done have all had their own stories.

Next – the international traveler !!!! October 2023.  First up Palma, Majorca. I mean after the down pour in the North East I deserved some sunshine and a feeling that it’s too hot to run !

Right ?

Wrong !!

To say I was wet is putting it mildly – it hadn’t rained for a week; and then ‘it’ ie the Heavens, thought Mike’s running I’m going to wait till he’s almost here then I’m going to ******** **** down ! And it did just as I was being dropped off

but as the spaniards gingerly tiptoed through the puddles with their running shoes in their hands, coming from Lancashire I just waded straight through !! and got very wet feet !!

 

 

The run was good.  One white haired gentleman I was running past  or was he running past me – probably the latter said

“Do you realise that between you and me we have almost doubled  the average age of this marathon!”  And even in Spain I got pats on the back saying – great charity to run for – which I absolutely love –  just amazing.  It’s the main reason I started running just 3 years ago – to support the charities fighting cancer !

But towards the end it, ie the Heavens, decided enough sun lets **** it down  so much so that every single part of me, skin, vest, shorts, socks, shoes  and anything else I was wearing were saturated, including my mobile !

Number 1-  tip carry your mobile in something water proof if the weather is going to be inclement ! After the finish the Phone rang and I couldn’t answer it; everything was too wet – in the end I had to ask a boy standing next to me if I can use his finger – between you and me with my Spanish and his English I was a bit worried  – but he eventually got the gist and he slid the answer bar across and I could finally answer !!!  Phew ! But that was the last call on that mobile ! And we put it to sleep somewhere in the Mediterranean !

But not to be defeated – a week later if its Sunday it must be

The beauty of having friends in far-flung places is that you can go and stay with them when you are running half-marathons in far flung places.  Venice was no exception.  For anyone that has attempted to run in Italy, you need a special form to say you are fit to run !! I duly filled in the form and sent it off,  Checked on the website to make sure everything was ok.. In big red letters it said you haven’t uploaded your form so you can’t run !!   I duly uploaded my form again and checked.  Big red letters again ! NO form – no run.  Uploaded again – Website NESSUNA FORMA – NESSUNA ESECZIONE ; by now I had become fluent in Italian ! I then decided that I was going to go and if I couldn’t run well C’est La Vie ( multi lingual by now !) On arrival to collect the number , the very nice lady said, “oh you can fill that form in here no one has filled it in !”    Anyway the half-marathon was great except who knew there were so many bridges in Venice?  They even built a special one for the run ! as if there wasn’t enough !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I also claim the best photo bomb ever when there was a special service, the evening before,  in a cathedral for the runners.  The whole service was in Italian and I didn’t understand a word.    I thought it would be a good idea to go in my running vest; no one else seemed to be, so I thought ‘in for a penny ‘ and joined the priests on the steps – just had to be done !


This blog has been sitting on my laptop for quite a while now so I best publish it before the writing begins to fade – along with my memory    It’s an age thing !

Next episode: Running with a moustache, being ‘outed’ for being an old man, running with Lions, the beginnings of ‘fame!’  and then of course the biggy – London 2024

Marathon Journey Chapter 3

Well talk about putting something off – this must stand out as a record ! I started this on October 9th – where does the time go ?  So my apologies but its really going to be a mash up of London Marathon, and next challenge/s .

On Sunday October 2nd 2022 at 16:47 I passed the finish line in what was probably one of the most exhilarating 5 hrs and 50 minutes of my life.  The strangest feelings take over your legs; although they are tired and physically you are quite shattered, your legs just seem to want to keep running – slowly I must admit, but they just want to keep moving.  There must actually be a ‘stopping distance’ for runners dependent upon the distance they have covered.  You can’t just stop dead.   But let’s not start at the finish, ‘cos that would be just too weird and a very short blog ! – lets go to the beginning.

A close friend said, “Why run when you can catch a bus ??”  To answer that I just simply have to refer to Laura’s saying, ”

For most of us with Cancer all we want is someone to fight with us and tell us that’s what they are doing !”

Laura, of course passed away in December 2019. She possessed the courage, faith, hope, and positivity that you can just stand back and admire.  She has 3 totally awesome daughters who are totally growing up in her image. When the going gets tough, or I don’t want to run, or I want to walk, or I want to stop ; she is there saying “You can do this!”  I run to celebrate your life and amazing courage.

I guess my running is my way of saying I am fighting with all those folk who are facing the most difficult times of their lives, either personally, family or friends. When I run I do definitely feel like giving up many times, but always in my head is “Dont be a ‘wuss’ you can do this.  All you’re doing is putting one foot in front of another – what can be tough about that compared to what some folk are going through – so I run !  I don’t particularly think, “Oh goody I’m going for a run!” but I guess there is something inside me that just drives me to go and run ! and believe me there are times when I REALLY don’t want to  !

 

So back to the London Marathon 2022.  Lots of people ask me “What was it like?” and my answer is always the same

“Probably one of the most exhilarating, exciting, challenging events that I have ever taken part in.!”

I apologise to those of you that i have totally bored with the story of the day but if I don’t write it down by tomorrow I’ll forget all about it ( it’s an age thing!) and I really don’t want to forget the day.

To start at the start – a very good place to start as someone once said …….I was fortunate that the son of some great friends of ours, Col and Steph, had a place in London in Finsbury Park so I could stay at his the night before.  This was partly through  making it easy to get to the start on the Sunday but also because of my previous history ( see previous blog ) that my friend said,

“I am  personally, going to put you on the train to make sure you get there on time, and I might even put a sign round your neck to make sure you get there.” 

Think he’s been reading too much Paddington Bear ! I mean as if I wouldn’t get there in time!!!!  So early doors, up and placed on the train. Caught the tube and then the connecting train to Blackheath Common.  They were four or five deep standing on the platform, all with their drop-off bag and most of them looking as nervous as I was. We packed onto the train.  It was like rush hour on a bad day – but with one big difference – everyone was talking with each other, polite, and not worrying if you were standing on somebody’s foot. Crammed in, literally standing face to face, stories flowed about why we were all running, and it was sort of then that I realised why I was attempting to run 26.2 miles. I met some amazing people just within the 2 or 3 stops to Blackheath Common. Meeting people like Rachel – who gave a donation to my Justgiving page –

“I met you on the underground on the way to the London Marathon ………. I have no doubt your daughter would be so proud of you – thinking of her little girls !”

Even walking from the start, chatting to another runner, who looked as though he’d lifted weights for years and run since he was six months old compared to the very old, skinny guy who just happened to rock up to the event; and hearing his excitement in undertaking his first London Marathon – similar minds if not bodies !   Standing in the middle of the common and looking around at all the people  getting ready with their outfits, drop-off bags, plastic bin liners , pre running exercises etc; each one with an incredible story to tell, I felt somewhat overwhelmed.

This time I just stood there and looked around; chatted with a group of first time runners. The sense of camaraderie was amazing.  Again a donation appears on my Justgiving page from Gillian and Kath,

It was so lovely to meet you at the start on Sunday.  Thank you for calming our nerves and helping with our ‘bin bag ponchos’  Massive congrats, an amazing achievement for an incredible cause!”

Just to explain, they had brought black bin liners as advised in order to keep warm while they waited, but as they slipped them over their heads realised that they hadn’t cut any holes in them for their head or arms. Should have taken a photo !!!

No sooner are you called to your “Wave and colour” and you are off on an incredible journey of 26.2 miles

Catch a bus ? – no thanks I’ll run !

Talking, gasping for breath, aching legs, aching body, – and that’s just within the first mile !!! Going past the man carrying a washing line, the Rhino and the Teddy Bear, the Penguin, the T”ree – well ok maybe they went past me but who’s counting!  Not only are the runners encouraging each other but the crowd are shouting your name and encouraging you as you run past

‘Go on Mike, you’ve got this ! Keep going” 

Who knew over three quarters of a million people would turn out to watch just me run !!!!  but that is honestly what it feels like.  And then of course you do have family and friends who also turn out to watch you – I do have to thank them all for their amazing support, generosity and just for being fantastic people who without them I definitely wouldn’t have been able to successfully complete the run.  Their support was just amazing ! Even friends who you didn’t know were going to be there and suddenly you hear your name shouted and you look;

“Whoa what you doing here – amazing – Hiya !”

 

and then you carry on to the next mile, and the next mile, and the next ……. all the sights of London zooming past you – well when I say zooming maybe just slowly going past but you get the idea

 

 

Jelly beans eaten, water stations gratefully accepted, sweets accepted, pieces of orange accepted, toilet stops declined – who knew I could go for 6 hours without going to the loo?   After 26 miles of just the most amazing time ever you approach Buckingham Palace and you think this is it, round the bend and run down the Mall.  In my mind I thought the run down the mall was the length of the Mall, but actually the finish comes much quicker than I thought.  I can honestly say that as I crossed the finish line I was looking around to see if I had actually finished – I thought I can’t turn to someone and say “Is that it?  Have I finished?” “No go on Do it again !” Sounds like a hob nob being dunked in your tea !  – (echoes of Peter Kay – if you know you know !) Very strange; my brain was just addled !

After that very bizarre moment you really want to shout out- “Yeeeeeeeee I’ve done it!” or grab someone to hug ; but that would have just been too weird. So you walk up through the other runners, accept your medal, take a shiny blanket and wrap it round yourself – even though you don’t really need it but Ive seen them do it on the tele !   And then I just stood and looked around. Feeling quite emotional I guess.  Feeling what have I just done? Feeling tired – no not really; I think the emotion takes over I guess.  When you finish, above the timing clock friends and family can put words up and through some clever technology they appear on the bridge over the timing clock.  If you’re running so fast as you go over the finish line (haha ) you don’t get to read them all but these were there for me as I crossed the line.  Again the old eyes start to blur, probably due to the sweat  and nothing at all to do with tears !!!!

I was met by Colin at the end and we walked to the rooms in the hotel that Bowelcanceruk had made available for the runners and their families.  At this point I do have to mention Bowelcanceruk, and just what an amazing organisation they are.  The support that I had was just brilliant.

Back at the hotel i met my family, friends and fellow runners who had now become close friends; absolutely the icing on the cake.

My family have been and continue to be my inspiration. There are just so many other people who had a hand in my running the marathon that it really was a team effort; the encouragement from my family; my friends; Bowelcanceruk; the people who donated in excess of £7,600 towards saving lives and improving the quality of life of everyone affected by bowel cancer.

       

 

 

THANK YOU  TO EVERYONE

 

Would I do it again ? 

 

ABSOLUTELY – APRIL 2024 HERE I COME

What’s next, I hear you say – thanks for that !!!!!!!    well funny you should ask………

The plan is from January 2023 leading up to April 2024, to run in organised events, each month, 10km, Half Marathon or Marathon, a total of 300 miles overall.  Raising funds for Bowelcanceruk please. One run already completed at Tatton Park in January, next one is next week  The Winter Run in London.   As an amazing online friend of mine said recently,

“Want to know the biggest risk for Bowel Cancer ?

Age ? …………….. No

Diet? …………………No

Lifestyle ? ……………….No

 

It’s ……………

      Having a Bowel !!! 

           So I make no apologies ………. Donations page is open.

What happened to your face, nose and ribs – Don’t ask !!!!!!!!!   That’s in the next blog …..……..

 

 

Im not sure whether procrastination is a good thing or not !

Since yesterday I’ve been ‘umming’ and ‘ahhring’ about whether to write this or not. Not only that but wondering where to write it as well ! Instagram?, Laura’s blog? Mine ? And as Sunday was Mother’s day Laura was very much in our minds, so thought on Laura’s blog it would be more appropriate.  Started it and then changed my mind as I thought I should really use mine as it has stood idle for almost two years.  And then I thought id go and make myself a cup of coffee while I thought about it !  A week later, coffees gone cold and still couldnt really decide ……  So kettles on and here goes  So whats prompted me to write …… well a number of factors but I guess mainly one.  Im in the process of transcribing Laura’s blog into a book.

In doing this, I of course have had to read every word she wrote, which obviously I had done previously ( honestly Laura I did !) but in doing this I absolutely realised that there were so many thoughts and words that she used that were so brilliantly crafted that I couldnt really compete with.  All I can do is recreate them word for word in a book, which hopefully will happen fairly soon if I can stop procrastinating over what else needs to be put into the book but I digress !

Another prompt has been that as last Sunday was Mothers Day, we really wanted to mark it in some way or other. So we decided to get 3 helium ballons and would take them up to Laura  ( why do I find it hard to say ‘grave’ ??)  and place them on 3 plant baskets.  The image that was in our minds were three helium ballons just standing perfectly upright looking very symmetrical attached to the three plant baskets. However, when we went up there, it was blowing a ‘hooley’ (is that how you say it ? ) and it was difficult enough to anchor the balloons down let alone position them so that they stood beautifully upright, as the picture will testify.  But you kindof get the picture as Im sure Laura did .

Then of course because of current circumstances we havent seen  Sophie, Naomi and Heidi for a week now, although last Thursday we did sneak onto Mark’s drive and sing Happy Birthday from the required distance of course.  We did have the twins a week last Wedndesday when we went for an explore into the woods.  Their smelling of flowers has long been a fascination and was just one of the many memories of Laura’s encouragement to them.

 

Two other happenings or as Laura would have said ‘God instances” happened.  Just standing in our Dining room and not doing anything in particular.  Just looking out of the window and thinking about nothing.  Well nothing I’d admit to anyway ! and watching people go past in their “once only daily excursion”, I just turned round and just looked at the wall facing me.

Captured on that wall are just so many memories and recollections. Before partners arrived on the scene, there was always an argument between the 3 girls over who had the most number of photos up !!! And obviously I couldn’t comment ! ( emoji of monkey with hands over mouth ) Now with partners and grandchildren we just need a bigger wall ! A long time ago when Julia and I were babysitting for others, we used to comment on how many photos they had up of their family and say how weird is that ! They must be very narcissistic !  Well I now know why ! Each one of the photos tells a very special story and I must admit I can just stand and look at them for a long time and just “think!” and say thank you .

 

The other thing that has happened and I kind of already knew it, but it’s just become even clearer now.  That is how amazingly kind, supportive, generous and and just generally lovely people are.  At the very end of last week, I ventured into a friend’s shop to just say Hi ,really, and see how she was getting on.  She then proceeded to give me a present which she had been keeping to give to us.  It was a ‘salt lamp angel’ which now sits in pride of place at home.  A gift which epitomises the generosity of people.  Thank you Helen, as ever – amazing .

This week has been very strange with everything going on but in some ways, probably partially due to technology, it feels that through the medium of Zoom, House Party, Whatsapp etc etc I actually feel closer to people, have spoken more to people  and have seen more people.   It is just amazing.  Never underestimate the value of friendship.  I know it is an overused expression but as long as we’ve got each other then the way of getting through all this is made that much easier.  Please dont stop.  Your value and friendship is immeasurable.

Even trying to write this blog, which I must admit I have been putting off – “What ?” “You put something off !”  “Surely not!” “I cant believe that !” Because as I was trying to work out how to change my blog from my Malawian adventures to a more generic “Musings and thoughts” and because I havent been on here for a while I’d forgotten what to do ! Yes I know that’s difficult to comprehend ! But I was getting increasingly frustrated and even went downstairs and said,  “I CANT DO THIS!” When unbeknown to me, my dreadful attempts at trying to sort it out were actually going out live, and even when I was in the middle of trying to sort it out I was getting comments from people saying “You can do it!” “Go for it!”  It was like having that little person in your head saying,  ‘Dont give up ‘! So thank you for that.  As the saying goes – You know who you are haha .  Hopefully the book is on its way!

In the words oIf Laura, “You all make me smile and I can’t wait to build more memories with you all in the many years ahead…Check in with friends”.

Well it is the Rainy Season !

Where do I start – since the last lot of jumbled thoughts and generally random events were reported we’ve had Christmas, New Year and now January is almost over.  Well many of you will know that I whimped out spending the holiday here and went back home to see family and friends. As I suspected I didn’t do a quarter of what I wanted to do or see everyone that i really wanted to see but as it says on a book that someone very kindly gave me – and those who know me well know that I like my sayings –

 

S o it was absolutely fantastic to see my brilliant family and a number of great friends. Ill catch the rest of you when I return – that is if you’ve remembered who I am !  Thanks to everyone for giving me a brilliant break. Loved every minute of it – except for the weather that is I mean who’d have thought you’d have rain and snow in December and January – huh ! But now its back to Sun, rain and temperatures that average 34 degrees Im not complaining – well I am really but more about that later haha and sitting in my little Garrett   (or was that the name of Billy The Kid or the Sheriff that caught him? ) its late at night but its still flipping hot – can’t open the windows otherwise be surrounded by even more mosquitoes Still can’t complain – well i am really ……. oops already said that !

So back to Malawi, and Mangochi in particular. Evening flight from Heathrow to Nairobi, change at Nairobi – and please remember this as its relevant later on ! ……Catch a flight from Nairobi, and land at Nampula airfield in Mozambique – not scheduled but hey I’m not comp …………. ……….Land in Lilongwe Airport in Malawi mid afternoon.  Get off the plane to the heat etc along with all the other passengers.  Feel really pleased with myself as I can now walk through the Malawi residents gate – well when I say gate its more like two tables pushed apart – as I now have my residents permit. This also saves me $75 entrance fee into Malawi. Feeling pleased with myself arrived back without too many mishaps, I proceed to the Baggage collection travellator (?) along with all the other passengers.  The obligatory solitary brightly coloured bag is going round the travellator. Clearly fast on the mark these baggage handlers  – first bag off – brightly coloured bag !

We all watch it go round ………and ……. round ……….and ………..round …………..and …………..round – no other bags decide to join it – ……….none – ………not a one ! By this time after a good 30 minutes of waiting …….Im tempted to pick up the brightly coloured bag and pretend its mine ! There are some pretty irate Malawians and other African Nationalities and various Nationalities from all around the world all  expressing their views and opinions. A single Malawian official then walks very slowly to behind a desk – they never run ! and he is besieged by irate passengers – I of course take  the typically English approach and stand at the back of the queue – although when i say queue thats a very generic expression for a pack of baying hounds ! Thinking aw well – never mind – Im sure the bags will turn up one day ! After much shouting, form filling in and general chaos we are told that whilst we changed planes in Nairobi our bags did not ! They are all still in Nairobi – Picture the scene … well I’ll let your imagination do that suffice to say Im at the back, smiling,  last to fill my form in, describing my bag and on leaving the poor beleagured official say – “Thank You” in a very English way ! Bags turned up 3 days later ! And for information the brightly coloured bag is still probably going round as no one picked it up!

Anyway starting back – very much back in with a bang – trying to visit all the schools that Im responsible for which when I arrived was 5 and now has grown to 17 and when they are 100s of Kilometres apart thats no mean feat.  I haven’t got round them all yet.  My focus for the first few weeks is on the schools that are using the iPads and the OneBillion app for Maths and Chichewa. With the holidays and the lead up to holidays and the coming back from holidays it takes some schools a while to get back into their stride – as indeed it does in the UK as well – never mine of course but thats another story ! .  Here it also takes a while for the Learners to return to school and out in the remote rural areas in which I work it takes the first two weeks for the learners to return and even then some just don’t come back at all. Quite sad really.    But off I start all refreshed to re-energise my schools. As its been a while since Ive been on my motor bike – no contest – who needs a car when theres the open road (track) ……. I don my summer leather jacket, summer gloves, jeans and helmet  …….. and all kitted up I jump onto the bike and roar off into the remotest part of Malawi.

 

Up over the mountain looking at the amazing views that were once all a very dry brown now a very luscious green due to the “Rains”, ….. along narrow paths that were once much wider but now seemed to have narrowed due to the “Rains”  Feeling the wind against me, back in the saddle again (Name that tune ! hehe) I approach a police road block, of which there are many along all routes. These generally consist of two metal bars across the road balanced on 3 metal oil drums. Or alternatively there are just traffic cones instead of the bars and three or four policeman tucked away somewhere. I know this Police Road block fairly well as travel through it almost every day, on fairly good terms with the police who man it, so that by now I just generally wave and squeeze through a very narrow gap between a rock and the first oil drum, which means that the police don’t have to come and lift the barrier.  I have become quite expert now at being able to wave with one hand and manoeuvre the bike between the rock and the drum. ……… Pride comes before ……………   Waving away I pass by the rock and the drum, well thats what I meant to do but Im sure someone must have moved the rock closer to the drum because on this occasion I hit the rock. Keeping my balance, and feeling incredibly pleased with myself – as Evil Kenevil (?)  does it again to the roar of the crowd I ride on only to feel the bike become slightly wobbly, and then even more wobbly. I look down and my front tyre is almost flat – a puncture !   It was at this moment that the “Rains” decided that today was the day!

In the middle of a huge deluge I just managed to limp to the nearest Trading Centre to ask a group of men on the side of the road if they knew anyone that could help. This is Malawi so of course they did – and even if they didn’t they would say they did anyway !

They took me to a sort of straw lean to,  that underneath had a number of men sheltering from the rain. Out of this group of men appeared an elderly gentleman followed by 3 or 4 others who then proceeded to take my bike off me, wheel it under the shelter, took my helmet and instructed me to sit down on the bench surrounded by a group of people while they mended my puncture.  I sat and watched while the amazing craftsmanship of these people just took out the inner tube revealing  a 2 cm hole in the tube and a valve which had completely ripped out …….. and they just mended it ! No sucking of teeth; no shaking the head; no “Oooooh this is going to cost you guv!” They just did it ! …… Brilliant……… I was charged the princely sum of 2,000 Kwacha roughly £2. They all smiled and wished me a safe journey. I was absolutely amazed by their skill and I have to say it just echoed the view that Malawi has some of the friendliest people on this planet.

 

The rains had abated so I thought …. why not I’ll carry on to my schools only another 50 or 60 Km to go.

Well this is as I said before the rainy season – after 2 minutes it started to throw it down again, and this time it didn’t stop it kept on all day.  Undeterred i carried on, ….. and on … and on in my summer jacket. gloves and jeans. For those who know me once Id decided to carry on I wasn’t going to let a little rain stop me. ………………. Foolish !! At my age you’d think I’d learn ! But no …… Carry on I did…….

After about 40 Km, every part of me was soaked through. I did not have a dry part of my body at all. I found out that summer Motor Bike jackets are not waterproof, nor gloves, nor jeans, nor anything else that I was wearing. Do I turn back or carry on …. it was still pouring with rain and by now not only was I wet but starting to get very cold – probably for the first time in Malawi – my fingers started to turn blue ….  about 5 km from the first school, I decided that it probably didn’t look very good to turn up a wet shivering specimen coming to tell them what they should be doing with their iPads, and to be honest at this stage iPads was not at the forefront of my mind – It was survival !!!! I turned round in the middle of the road and headed home – and for the whole 80 Km it didn’t stop raining ! And if ever you’ve been on a Motor Bike in the pouring and I mean pouring rain you’ll appreciate how cheerful you need to be !!!!!

Pictures are my attempt to show the rain when I got home  – I failed dismally but you get the gist

 

When at last at home I of course struggled to open the locks due to my fingers being so cold and as already mentioned the locals usually stand and stare just out of curiosity; on this occasion despite the rain I think they must have all called their mates – “Hey come and have a look at this Masungu trying to get into his gate – its really funny !!!!  They watched as I attempted to open the locks with fingers that now had no feeling in whatsoever and were slowly going to sleep one by one

Once in,  I emptied my pockets of water and the rest of the contents, two of which were my 2 mobile phones. I had forgotten that they were in my pocket and had effectively been swimming in water for the last 2 hours – needless to say ……….. and despite the old bag of rice trick ………what I call my english iphone i.e. my english number and contacts etc has refused to work.  So if you haven’t heard from me for a while thats why !!!! My Malawian number still works for Whatsapp etc    All other usual communication channels are working – I think – but you can always leave a message /comment on here.

So now I take a good look at the sky before deciding which mode of transport to use.

When I relayed this story to my Malawian friends – response …………..

WELL IT IS THE RAINY SEASON – DOH!

(didn’t know they watched the Simpsons )

 

Lessons learned ……..

Still on my In-country Orientation ( or commonly known as “they cant find a house for me !” )  Well that’s not quite true but more about that later.

Heard at the beginning of this week that I just needed 5 sessions on the motor bike before I’m let out onto the Malawian roads – apparently this is a good thing – not me being on the Malawian roads which quite frankly terrifies me, but the fact I only have to do 5 sessions of training as opposed to 15 sessions.  Not sure when they begin but hopefully this week as I clearly need the motor bike when Im in Mangochi.  Presumably I cant go until Im judged to be a safe motor cyclist on roads that are busy to say the least and manic at the worst. Can’t wait !  And of course can’t go yet as havent found a house yet, but that was last week’s adventure.

“We’re off to Mangochi to find a house !”   Great …….. and off we set.  The roads in Malawi. particularly in towns and cities are fairly crowded,but as you get out into the country they are very straight, the traffic eases up but there are always people walking along the sides of the road and every so often there is a police road block and or a speed camera !  Well we stopped at a road block and speed camera and I thought it was a very interesting thing as it was the first time that I had encountered it and in hind sight, well ………. probably not a good idea …… but …….. thought to record events that happened I lifted my camera up to take a photo …………………WRONG decision.   It was not warmly received.  In no uncertain terms I was told to get out of the car, and suddenly was taken back to my school days when standing in front of the head teacher for not wearing my cap to school………….Sorry sir, I didn’t know, Im sorry, It wont happen again, so sorry, I’m new here, I didn’t understand,  etc etc.. That made no difference in my school days and I received the obligatory slipper ! but I thought Id give it a go and fortunately it worked this time.  I was severely told off.  He demanded to see all the photographs and fortunately I hadn’t actually clicked the button so there wasn’t a photo  … It was very much a one way conversation and series of questions which didn’t really expect an answer  except for repetitive “sorry, sorry” Told in no uncertain terms to get back into the car and we were on our way ! Lesson learned !

Looking for houses in Mangochi was a fascinating experience.  It wasn’t an Estate Agent experience more like finding a person, who knew a person who had an uncle who knew someone’s brother  whose cousin was letting a house but it may not be built yet.  Fortunately I had two brilliant people with me who just seemed to know everyone in Mangochi although they’d never met them before !

The morning of the visit gave me my first view  of probably one of the most important geographical landmarks of the country, Lake Malawi.  Apparently the lake has more species of fish than any other lake certainly in Africa if not the world    I was introduced here to what is apparently the best tasting fish you can have – Chambo – so obviously i had to try it A really beautiful lake, that early in the morning had the fishermen collecting their nets and placing their fish in containers ready to sell them  As well as the washing of clothes by the ladies at the waters edge.  The beach at the lake was just a hive of activity.  A fantastic scene to witness and one which I guess I will become used to but seeing it for the first time it just made you stand and take it all in .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                   And then of course the ladies carry their washing home – just amazing

Ready to search for the house we ventured into Mangochi which was just teeming with people, bikes, stalls, sellers, goats, stores    Such a busy place .  With mainly a tarmaced road ( no kerbs of course so its just a raised piece of road) with a few crossroads and then as you turn down these the tarmac gives way to dirt roads, bumps, ridges and all sorts of holes to catch out the uninitiated visitor.  We venture down one such road, with 2 additional passengers, a lady and her nephew, who are our guides to find this house. We arrive outside a house that is surrounded by the wall and security gate.  Looking around the house it looks good and very spacious but sadly it isn’t finished yet, and the builders are still inside it. Interestingly they live inside the house while they build it, their personal mosquito nets are carefully positioned in some of the rooms.  They say it will be finished in 2 weeks.  The plastering needed doing, utilities had to be put in and windows.  It would be very handy if I want to hone up my soccer skills as the football pitch is right in front of the gates.  We wait outside while we try to contact the owner to discuss the cost but sadly she wasn’t availableIt –  definitely looked a good prospect but whether it would be ready for me is another question  We will have to wait and see.    Whilst waiting we buy some small orange fruit ‘things’ for which there isnt an equivalent in English.

 

On to another and another.  Stop off to ask another man who has a friend who has a cousin who might know someone.  This meeting took place right by the Lake, and I was told that if while I was in Mangochi then this would be the place to come and swim. Just come and ask for the owner of these lodges.  I thanked him and thought what a great idea – ………… “Oh but you will just have to mind the crocodiles ‘cos this is where they come ! ”   …………… ” oh ok thanks for that I’ll think about it and let you know ! ”

We venture down what does appear to be a footpath around a very tight corner…………… we drive down the very narrow footpath – eyes closed ( mine I hasten to add not the driver thankfully ! )

At this house I had to stay in the car as we were told that as soon as they saw me, being a different colour to everyone else, the price of the rental would at least double if not treble.  Again I was taken back in my memory when as a child my mother and father, as a rare Sunday treat, went to a country pub.  I dutifully stayed in the car with my lemonade and packet of crisps for an hour or so and waited for their return.

So I sat in the car, ate my orange and I observed the discussion outside the gate and then they went inside the compound to reappear again 10 minutes later. This apparently looked a really good house, which unfortunately they couldn’t go inside as the owner was away but from the outside it looked really good.  So fingers crossed.   We then drove the long journey back to Lilongwe – quite how Im going to do this journey on my motor bike I’m not quite sure.  It goes right through the mountains, a very twisty and steep road where there used to be barriers on the side of the most dangerous bits but these have ‘disappeared’!  But I’m sure after 5 sessions I’ll be raring to go – mmmmmm …do you really think so ? ?

To add to the excitement of the week, those of you who know me, know I can last without food, without comforts etc but I really cant do without music.  Being all prepared I downloaded almost my whole collection of CDs, records ( or as they call it now Vinyls – you young people – huh  ! ) and made sure I had Spotify on every device, though without the Internet not sure how that will work but we will see.  Two days in my Bluetooth speaker, JBL Flip 3, (for those of you who are interested and you’re probably not but I just thought that if someone from JBL sees this they might feel sorry for me and send me a new one ! ) that has worked beautifully for the last year, suddenly decided to just pack in.  Buttons refused to work.  What do you do in situations like this besides for smashing it against the wall and shouting – a’ la John Cleese fashion – “You ********* worked for me in ****** England Why do you ****** wait until now to pack in  ?   I’m going to thrash you within an inch of your life ”  But instead turn to Youtube and some guy in the States had exactly the same problem and without going into detail, as you’ve probably already dropped off to sleep, I managed to get it kind of working, though not as it should !!!  So sanity is restored and the hills are alive again !   Note to JBL I can give you my forwarding address at any time ! And if it stops again. can anyone recommend any good books to read ………………

To round off the week I went with a fellow Volunteer to undergo my first visit to schools.  The whole reason why I’m out here – and wow I was just blown away.  The children were so so well behaved.  I just stood and watched as these  6 year olds walked into the Learning centre ( 30 children out of a class of 150) They sat on the rush mats and waited beautifully.  They passed the iPads along the line of 4, received their headphones, logged onto their group and found their names.  Without any further fuss they proceeded to work their way through the tasks on the iPads.  Hardly a word was spoken and certainly not by the children.

 

The smiles were enormous when they completed a task and if they got something wrong there was no question of asking for help, they just sat there and tried to work it out for themselves, and repeated it until they got it right or the program moved them on.  At the end of session they closed the iPads, took off their headphones and just moved silently out of the class.

 

These children were  6 years of age  and many had very very poor literacy and numeracy skills, if any.  To watch them working within this environment was just amazing.  Definitely some lessons to be learned by others I think 

 

 

My first introduction to schools and I cant wait to go into my own group of schools.

 

And then to round off a brilliant morning I watched as some of the children performed in front of the school.  I was invited to sit and watch.  And it was a role reversal  as the teachers took pictures of me just sitting there watching the festivities   It was a fantastic experience. This is Malawi

One week in ……… well almost!

Well, been in Malawi now for almost 1 week – only another 51 weeks to go – doesn’t time fly when you’re enjoying yourself!  That sounds negative and I don’t mean it to be at all but actually when you say you’re going somewhere for a year it sounds a very long time but with only 51 weeks to go somehow it seems different.

This week has been all about ‘In-country orientation’ to use the correct terminology ( actually it’s probably not but I’ve lost count of the number of new phrases I’ve had to learn – and that’s just in English – Liquidation  – basically when you ask for money that you may need or alternatively claim money back, or hand in receipts for food bought, but you need a pritt stick (forgot to pack mine !)  and a piece of paper and an amazing capacity to keep every single receipt – simples ! So in the midst of trying to learnEnglish I’ve also had to begin ( and the emphasis is on begin !) to  learn Chichewa – Zikomo (thank you) and Moni (Hello) and Muli Bwanji? ( How are you?) Trouble is with the last one they tend to reply with something that I haven’t got a clue.  So I fall back on my usual Language trick of nodding and smiling and uttering the occasional sound which agrees with what they say.  Well it always worked for me in France that is except when we got a plate of uncooked meats and cheeses and I thought I’d ordered 5 omelettes ! So meal times are still interesting.

The staple diet is either chicken (in all forms) and Nsima.   This is cooked, ground white maize flour that is used as the stodge ( and I mean that in the nicest way) for the majority of malawian meals.  Eaten with your fingers this was my introduction to Malawian food. But to eat it you have to wash your hands first.  I walked over to the sink and turned the tap on but no water.  Fortunately my ‘minder’ while I’m country orientating was with me and asked them to turn on the water. Apparently it is turned off to save for when there is a problem with water supply.  As I don’t have a big appetite I only managed one Nsima. As people had previously told me it has no taste at all but is very filling. So filling that I haven’t eaten another one – yet !

My home for the next few days is  the Country Office in the guest house. I’m staying here until accommodation can be found for me in Mangochi.  I guess at the moment I’m very lucky as I do have a fairly secure wifi access something I won’t have when I go ‘into the country .  We  have guards on the gates and it does take some getting used to them letting you out and then knocking on the

gate when you come back, even when you’ve just popped

out for a yoghurt ! ( not that I used to eat yoghurt but you get the gist  …………..and I do now! ……..)

You do feel like saying ‘ it’s ok I’m only popping out for a few minutes, just going round the corner I won’t be long – leave it open !!! but of course you can’t and on return – knock 3 times ( another cue for a song !) and the guard opens the gate – as I walk past the guard  ‘Zikomo’

( see even you’ve learnt the language now ! )

As well as meetings on Finance, I have meetings on Safety and security, naturally,  which was really helpful – what to do if …………… ( I just hope I can remember it when “if ‘ does happen or even if  ‘if’  happens – what?)

For my VSO Card I had to go and have a passport photo taken – No sitting in a booth, feeding your money into a machine and click its done – in Malawi you get the personal touch.  A lovely photo shop with a pulled curtain and a chair at the far end of the room.  A gentleman with a camera appears and takes your photo – telling me head to the left, no thats too much, not enough – ( I really couldn’t do a photo shoot. ) And then hey presto in a few minutes you’re given your 2 Passport photos.

 

 

Visiting the market in the city was a fantastic experience.  Although as in many markets around the world the sellers really want to sell you their goods, and when I say they want to sell you their goods – they really want to sell you there goods, a simple no thank you is all that is needed and you move on to the next person who wants to see you their produce. Really lovely people . The vegetables and fruits, looked truly amazing and again everyone was extremely polite

 

As I travelled to my next part of the induction, I travel along a route off the tarmac road and into other parts.  The roads are a kind of sandy grit have a number of holes and bumps all along the route, where occasionally the bottom of the car does meet the road surface.  The shops and houses along these paths/roads are very different to the area where the Country office is , where local people and businesses are selling their wares in what we would call very impoverished conditions. It does make you stop and think very hard about people and hardships. Just driving though these areas and I’m sure there are many around the world very similar and even worse but when you think of what ‘we’ have it does make you think ! I know I’ve repeated myself but it’s worth the repetition.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My journey was of course to the land of the cones ! which if you’ve read previous blogs you will know that this is devised by people who just want to create patterns with cones and make you drive around them on a two wheeled vehicle that was never made to go round cones spaced only a few metres apart.  So here we go again and according to local legend (or so I am told) if I’m ok on the bike then I will only need 5 days of training to be ready for the Malawian roads and if  I hit the cones or don’t manoeuvre in a figure of 8,  6 times successfully I’ll need 15 days !!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait ! As I write this I am awaiting to hear the full verdict and the sentence !

Just as a useless piece of information do you know if you look up to translate English into a language for Malawi it doesn’t exist !

Killed my first mosquito tonight withe ‘Executioner” – zzzzttt there it was gone – great feeling of triumph but still trying to suss out how to get into bed once the mosquito net is tucked in.

And here we go …………

As I sit here in Johannesburg airport waiting for my final flight, I look back on the last 2 weeks and just go – WOW!   They really did just fly by – I am the world’s biggest Procrastinator – ( a brilliant talk on TED on Procrastination – if you haven’t seen it it’s well worth a watch ) –  “Don’t do things today when you can always do it tomorrow ! ”   The trouble with that is – I did have an end date – i.e. 26th ! and with so many things to do and so many people to see I give myself an impossible task.  There were people I didn’t actually get to see before I left. And I really did want to see them but for some reason my brain seems to work on a different time scale to  GMT !  (so my apologies ) I think I can do things when I actually don’t have the days or hours to do it!  Its the same philosophy as ‘it’ll only take 5 minutes to get there when in reality it’s a half hour drive ! I didn’t get the nickname for nothing – and those who don’t know it you will have to guess !!

A huge thanks to all those friends who wished me well, sponsored – me and VSO,   and who follow this blog. And of course to the family ensemble.      It really brings in to focus the saying that you may not see someone but you know they are there for you ( or words to that effect !)

Not only did I run out of days to see people, but the eternal question of “Have you packed yet ? ” brought the inevitable answer  – “Not yet, but there’s plenty of time. 

Have you packed yet ? Must rate alongside, in the taxi world, “Have you been busy?”  Or “What time did you start? ”   If after overcoming the Wow factor of “You’re going to Malawi – Conversation dies and you get – “Have you packed yet?”

Actually what I meant by my response was I haven’t got a clue what to take, how to take it or what I need to buy to exist for 12 months in a country that I had no real knowledge of or had visited before. A small shopping spree was called for, and what would we do without Internet shopping !  Apart from the clothing which had it’s own challenges, there were the electrical items, which could well prove to be totally useless in a country that only has 4 hours of Electricity a day, and then that’s not always guaranteed so first purchase was a  small portable Solar Panel.  I have no idea if this works as it wasn’t very sunny in the last few days so fingers crossed.  If this is the last Blog post you see – the Solar Panel didn’t work ! Mosquito net, although one should be provided, its kind of belt and braces –   ooooh that reminds me ………….. where did I put them ???     Not sure if I can survive without music so how am I going to listen to my music  ? So the iPads, iPods Laptop all go in, Head Phones, Hard drives, mobiles both locked and unlocked !   All may be totally useless but we will see.

Oh then of course like a centre piece on a table – sits the Motor Bike helmet,  In pride of place in the baggage – smack in the middle! Surrounded by clothes of all descriptions  Fortunately this was a good container for the sun tan lotions, creams and everything else that people say – “Oh you must take this tablet, that potion, !  A very useful container to keep them all together Not an easy item to pack in the Hold luggage it has to be said, but that’s where it has to go and be part of the total weight allowance of 30 kg

Carrying on this blog post I am now sitting on the South African Airways plane flying to Malawi, having genuinely interesting conversations with the nun sitting next to me and the American lady who is helping support a High school to encourage girls to attend school past the age of 11.

I have to say the journey out here has been relatively flawless – I may be speaking too soon as I’m still mid-air and obviously need to collect my bags in Lilongwe, collect and pay for my Visa, then meet someone (?) who will take me to the country office. Besides for that all 3 flights, Dubai, Johannesburg and Lilongwe have gone well.  Through the dreaded passport controls and searchers with laptops and electricals which were spread throughout my carry on bag, now sit all together as it’s easier to take them out in one go.

I was slightly confused in Johannesburg when arriving, I stopped to check my ticket.  A fatal mistake as when I looked up everyone else had gone, no others to follow ! Walking down airport corridors totally on your own is very scary  With no real idea of where you are going you just keep walking and hope for the best.  Come to the sign Connecting flights ! Well thats me, so you dutifully follow

but in the back of your mind you also read the sign that says “Collect your bags for connecting flights”, but you remember the lady at check in in Manchester saying your bags went all the way on the journey, so you ignore the signs and cross your fingers while you’re walking.  Still totally on your own you see the sign Connecting flights – International and Connecting flights Domestic ! Decision time – based on lack of geographical knowledge –  is travelling to Malawi from Johannesburg, international or domestic – Snap decision as no-one else to follow ! Domestic  – based on It’s in Africa and not out of Africa ( good title for a  film !) …………….. wrong ! But was directed towards the correct place after queuing for 30 mins, by a very polite Customs guy !   Again the long walk, on your own, through the detectors which I set off 4 times as I forgot I was wearing a belt !

Suffice to say caught the connecting flight and landed in Lilongwe, Malawi.  At Visa control the queues were enormous ! One desk to collect the Visa application form, another desk to stamp the Visa form, another desk to check the form and stamp, another desk to pay for the Visa, another desk to receive the receipt and stamp it, then a final desk to look at the Visa and ask all the questions which have already been answered on the form to thankfully allow me through !

Walk out into the Greeting area and tick a little box in my head as I look up and see someone standing there with a sign with my name on it !!!!!!! Love it !   I always wanted that !

Journey by car to my initial place to stay in Lilongwe.  We pass crowds on the road selling

all sorts of things, from Vegetables, to holding up live chickens by the claw, to a young boy holding a rack of mice held by their tails whichI am told are delicious – I’ll take his word for it !

First night in Malawi, I undo the Mosquito net, tuck it in and then think maybe I should have got in first !! I’ll work that one out in the days ahead !!!!!!!