I’m still here !!!
How time flies ! Every morning when I get up I say I’m really going to write something, and every evening when I get home I think – definitely tomorrow – Procrastination love it ! Done it all my life why should I stop now ! The only trouble is it doesnt get things done ! So it was a toss up – should i stay in and write a blog piece or just go to the local bar and have a drink. Well as you can see the blog won. Now if the bar had have won let me try to explain what its like. Im not sure I have any photographs of it, so here goes.
First of all its on the main tarmac road of Mangochi. In the picture its just behind the tree, which I agree is a bit rubbish but its the only one I have, so hopefully you get the picture – (no pun intended but if you want it you can have it !)
It is just by 2 excessive speed bumps. And when I say excessive I mean huge !
On all the roads there are speed bumps which are preceded by rumble strips, generally 3 sets but occasionally 4 sets.
The picture is a typical Trading Centre. If you look carefully you can see the rumble strips. Trying to negotiate the “Rumbles’ at the same time as the people is not an easy task – and try doing it at night when there is no light whatsoever !
The cars, and they are mainly public transport mini buses or trucks laden with bags, sacks and people, slow down at these rubble strips at a quite ridiculous pace. They almost come to a halt, as you go over each rumble at slower than walking pace. This results in you feeling every rumble as you go over each one. Now my philosophy is if you go over them a little faster you could get the bump all at once. But I guess the Malawian mini buses know what they are doing as they look at me aghast as I take the whole set of strips at running pace ! These strips are before every town and trading centre, after every town and training centre , and in every town and trading centre – Get the gist – there are a lot of them, and when you go over them on the motor bike thats another story.
Then of course there are the Speed humps which really are vicious, and the good old Mini-bus drivers slow down even more, almost where the passengers have to get out and push the minibus over the hump. But having said that I have met a few too many humps at probably a greater speed than I should and thought …….. Oh No ……… but its too late now as my front wheels take off and the contents of the car end up on the floor and again when on the motor bike its generally a shout of “Geronimo !”
I digress ……….. as ever …….The bar as I said is situated on the main tarmac road Its called Sun City ‘ with Peace and Love Bottle store next door ……… 
Its a room that you never really go into. Well I have seen one or two disappear into there but you never see them come out again ! You sit outside on plastic chairs that have a tendency to have a broken leg so that when you sit on it the fourth leg tends to spray out and it feels like you are like a baby giraffe with its legs sprayed out . To over come this the bar staff, who wait on outside and give you one of these seats to sit on, generally as soon as you sit down give you a second chair to place over the first chair to sit on which if you’re lucky has a different leg that is broken so that you can manage to sit without sloping too much. In front of you is a bare wooden table that looks a bit like a trestle table from the local church.
The clientele is predominately male; sat around the tables in groups of 3 or 4 . Now in between the bar and the Tarmac is what I would loosely call a car park, but there is no order to it at all, and the cars just park and in some cases drive in between the tables! And no one bats an eyelid.
Normally when I go, which is usually about twice a month, when I’ve plucked up the courage to walk into this group of people on my own. I get the usual inquisitive looks as I am the only ‘masungu’ there. A member of the bar staff comes up gives me the obligatory 2 chairs next to a table which probably has people already sitting there. I order the customary “Green” which is a bottle of Carlsberg lager. This is the main drink for everyone, or if you really want to live dangerously you have a “Special” which actually to me tastes exactly the same just costs 400 Kwacha more !
Most of the time the people on the table will engage you in conversation, curious about where you are from , what you are doing, where you live etc. You can pretty much guarantee that you will get a conversation of sorts every time. However, I do on occasions seem to get targetted by two groups of people, and as long as you know that its fine. The response to both these groups is pretty much the same. There’s the gentleman who Im sure just waits for me to sit down before he pulls up his two chairs and says in a slightly slurred but extremely loud voice (which reminds me of the “Nutter on the bus” sketch where every looks and thinks Please dont let him sit next to me, Please dont and then thank goodness he’s not sat next to me ! ) ” Welcome to Kenya, Im from Nairobi !” …….. well he sits next to me !
This is kind of strange as I’m in Mangochi in Malawi, but if he thinks he’s in Kenya, who I am to worry. He has now started to welcome me by shouting “Hello Scotty” because he thinks Im from Scotland. I just merely agree with him and try to look away as he just talks non-stop telling me about Kenya slurring his words on a regular basis. The other group are the ones who come up and because you stand out from everyone else come up and tell you their life history, quite soberly, but they do so just to practice their English.
And talking about practicing their English – there is another group that is really keen to do this but it’s not in the bars its out on the roads……… ….. and thats the Malawian Traffic Police. Now I definitely don’t have a photo of this after my last little escapade with them but on all roads there are Police road blocks.
Actually I risked life and limb to day and sneaked one as the usual transportion laden with bags and people went through.
Sometimes there is a barrier which can be lifted or more commonly it consists of three oil drums, one in the middle of the road, and another at either side of the road. Across the two of the oil drums is a bar that pretty much remains static. The bar just stretches across one side of the road. On the other side is a traffic cone. By the side of the road are generally four or five Traffic police. Some are in Uniform, others just dressed casually, not sure who they are but they all do a similar job. One at least carries a gun. As you approach this road block, you come to a halt. Very often you cant even see the police. Sometimes they are in a small hut or generally just sitting on the ground.
At this point, they exert their authority ! They never ever rush. After what can seem like hours, they walk very very slowly towards the barrier. At this point you are thinking, please, please……… go on walk to the cone and kick it to the side!. If this happens they kick it 2 or 3 times to the side of the road and you are free to drive/ride on through, generally giving what is probably quite close to a salute as you go through. However if you are unlucky, as I was last week the following happens ………….
Im happily going through a trading centre called Masuku,….. a route I take almost daily, but this time there was a temporary Road Block.. True to form I stop and wait for the “kick” I get the slow walk, but this time he walks to the car, ……… thoughts ” Really? Just kick the cone twice !” but no he comes up to the window. I wind it down. First words after exchanging the only greeting I know – Muli bwanji ( How are you – sort of !! ) Ndili bwino, Kai enu ?zikomo ( I am well, How are you? thank you ) and then after that Im lost. As in all foreign languages after the first few phrases Im generally lost, and just keep repeating yes in what ever country Im in – Oui, oui has got me through a lot of really complicated discussions in France – havent understood a word but Im the only one that knows that ! So in Malawi I’ve been saying “Ai” which sounds similar to the Scottish Aye meaning yes.
Until only very recently I’ve discovered I’ve been saying ‘No” to everyone as “Ai” actually means “No” ! I mean who’d have thought it ! No wonder they look at me strangely !
Anyway, after exchanging the customary greetings, out come those famous Traffic Policeman’s words ………… “We’re thirsty”
Kind of stumps you – so you respond with – Oh dear or words to that effect. Then he repeats it several times. I respond with “That’s a shame” Oh dear” “So am I ” “I havent got any drinks!” and so the conversation goes round in a circle, until eventually he gives up and kicks the cone not in frustration but thats what his left foot is for .
I carry on with my journey to the school. On my return I stop at a Trading Centre and think Im sure they will still be there, so i buy 2 bottles of Fanta. Now in Malawi you have to understand that Fanta is a generic term for any fizzy drink If it’s Sprite or Sobo or Coca cola – its all Fanta ! So I buy my 2 bottles of Fanta and set off. And sure enough the temporary road block is still there.
I stop. Wait the customary 3 minutes and along he walks a bit like an umpire when he goes to consult the other umpire in a game of cricket ( no idea where that simile came from …..must be my English heritage ) and up he comes to the window. I wind it down feeling particularly pleased with myself and before he can Mulli my Bwanji I say Ive bought you 2 drinks !!! His immediate response …………………. “There’s four of us !” ……… Damn I never thought to look ! Anyway I say something like I’ll remember next time and drive on. However, only yesterdayI was told that when they say they are thirsty, it actually means they would like some money ! No wonder he looked disappointed with 2 bottles of ‘Fanta”
I carry on my journey back home, only to be stopped again some 20 km further down the road ……. a police block with oil drums and cone! And over walks a rather portly gentleman who I recognise from previous encounters, dressed in Traffic Policeman’s uniform. “Muli ……….” and “Indili …….” given. He greeted me like a long lost friend.
“Where are you going? I saw you going out this morning”
“Yes I saw you too. Im going home to Mangochi” I replied
“Will you give me a lift to Idrusi as I’m in need of some chips? I am hungry !”
Now did that mean he really was hungry or does he just need money for chips ? I decide on the latter, and reply in a most positive way …… “Of course I can give you a lift.”
“Thats great,. Can you give me a lift back as well?”
Well when a portly Malawian Officer of the Law asks a question its normally best to answer “Of course I can …….No problem !” …. as he tucks his rifle under the car seat and off we go …..
It’s all in a days work !
And talking of a journey home just had to take these photos as an example of a journey home from work – beats the M6 at rush hour !
Next blog and definitely no procrastination more about working with and training Head Teachers and Teachers as part of the Project – fun times !
Being someone who forgets where I put things I put down about 5 minutes ago, my apologies if Ive already mentioned this but just in case I haven’t – Malawi has basically two seasons…….., forget Spring and Autumn- …….it’s either hot or its wet….. and some times both ! We are now coming into the rainy season, as opposed to the dry season. The first signs of this are even more prolonged blackouts which somehow manage to coincide with no water coming out of the taps. This does seem a bit strange to me as when it starts to rain, there is less water coming out of the taps, but I’m sure there is a perfectly logical explanation. Blackouts also get longer with sometimes up to 36 hours without any power. This does make you more organised, but when you start at such a low base for organisation ……. well there’s a long way to go.
So the rainy season has just about started. I’m told not in a big way but it seems pretty dramatic to me. The first rains have started. They don’t just come with a few drops like an autumn shower, oh no they come with a strong wind, huge thunder claps and a sky that is lit up with sheet lightening. When all those things happen – you sort of think – it’s going to rain ! And it does – torrential downpours which last for anything up to 3 hours. At this point I did stand at my door and try to take a photograph. ……. I failed abysmally By the time my camera had realised that I had pressed the button and wanted a photo and decided to go into action, the lightening had stopped so I now have something like 17 images of total blackness !
Over the last 10 days I have noticed a huge transformation with the 
surrounding countryside. What used to be literally just barren very very dry land, dust, rocks where you’d have thought nothing at all could grow., have suddenly been transformed. After literally the first rain, there were people in the fields, literally hundreds of them, just digging the ground with their hoes. Huge areas of countryside changed not by machines but by sheer handwork, men, women and children in the fields with their very basic hoes. They just changed these dust bowls into a field which looked just ready for growing crops, mainly maize and irish potatoes I think but obviously other vegetables as well. Even my own area within the compound that I live, the ground which was previously just dust, plants have started to grow as if from nowhere.
Many may well be weeds but to see the green shoots coming up so quickly and so wide spread is just an amazing thing to see. With just two weeks of rain, the land looks ready to grow crops. I believe that there is only one harvest a year, no rotation or any other technical agricultural terms. They just get one shot at it. Apparently they either plant at the very beginning of the rains, as this apparently is the most nutritious rain, or wait a while to ensure enough rain and not too much sun to dry up the crops. And when the whole of the years income depends on it – ……. a tough choice. At the risk of sounding a bit like Whatsit Titchmarsh I’ll move on
of the road and every so often there is a police road block and or a speed camera ! Well we stopped at a road block and speed camera and I thought it was a very interesting thing as it was the first time that I had encountered it and in hind sight, well ………. probably not a good idea …… but …….. thought to record events that happened I lifted my camera up to take a photo …………………WRONG decision. It was not warmly received. In no uncertain terms I was told to get out of the car, and suddenly was taken back to my school days when standing in front of the head teacher for not wearing my cap to school………….Sorry sir, I didn’t know, Im sorry, It wont happen again, so sorry, I’m new here, I didn’t understand, etc etc.. That made no difference in my school days and I received the obligatory slipper ! but I thought Id give it a go and fortunately it worked this time. I was severely told off. He demanded to see all the photographs and fortunately I hadn’t actually clicked the button so there wasn’t a photo … It was very much a one way conversation and series of questions which didn’t really expect an answer except for repetitive “sorry, sorry” Told in no uncertain terms to get back into the car and we were on our way ! Lesson learned !
A really beautiful lake, that early in the morning had the fishermen collecting their nets and placing their fish in containers ready to sell them As well as the washing of clothes by the ladies at the waters edge. The beach at the lake was just a hive of activity. A fantastic scene to witness and one which I guess I will become used to but seeing it for the first time it just made you stand and take it all in .
And then of course the ladies carry their washing home – just amazing
additional passengers, a lady and her nephew, who are our guides to find this house. We arrive outside a house that is surrounded by the wall and security gate. Looking around the house it looks good and very spacious but sadly it isn’t finished yet, and the builders are still inside it. Interestingly they live inside the house while they build it, their personal mosquito nets are carefully positioned in some of the rooms. They say it will be finished in 2 weeks. The plastering needed doing, utilities had to be put in and windows. 
It would be very handy if I want to hone up my soccer skills as the football pitch is right in front of the gates. We wait outside while we try to contact the owner to discuss the cost but sadly she wasn’t availableIt – definitely looked a good prospect 
but whether it would be ready for me is another question We will have to wait and see. Whilst waiting we buy some small orange fruit ‘things’ for which there isnt an equivalent in English.
minutes later. This apparently looked a really good house, which unfortunately they couldn’t go inside as the owner was away but from the outside it looked really good. So fingers crossed. We then drove the long journey back to Lilongwe – quite how Im going to do this journey on my motor bike I’m not quite sure. It goes right through the mountains, a very twisty and steep road where there used to be barriers on the side of the most dangerous bits but these have ‘disappeared’! But I’m sure after 5 sessions I’ll be raring to go – mmmmmm …do you really think so ? ?
The whole reason why I’m out here – and wow I was just blown away. The children were so so well behaved. I just stood and watched as these 6 year olds walked into the Learning centre ( 30 children out of a class of 150) 
They sat on the rush mats and waited beautifully. They passed the iPads along the line of 4, received their headphones, logged onto their group and found their names. Without any further fuss they proceeded to work their way through the tasks on the iPads. Hardly a word 
was spoken and certainly not by the children.
silently out of the class.
