Month: July 2017

Buttocks and Bouncing Balls

Well, having been here for a while – actually only 3 weeks but it seems like a while. And I guess that its debatable if three weeks is a while or not …… anyway I digress …… having spent every weekend in solitary confinement within my accommodation I was fortunate enough to be invited out by other volunteers who are working in Lilongwe. So in the words of Beverley Knight I decided to “Get Up” and accept the invitations. (showing my Pub Quiz pop knowledge there ! )   The first invitation was to join in a hill climb / walk. The hill in question is called Bunda – a Portugese/Brazilian word apparently that means Buttocks , Ass or Bum – no comment ! (Google it – it is honestly !) Now ‘Bunda’ is a bit like Moel Fammau (I think that’s how it’s spelt. ) because when I used to live in Chester I loved to look out to the Welsh mountains and listen to the Welsh choirs singing ………. ( well maybe not !) and see Moel Famau (Ive checked the spelling now and also started talking with a Welsh lilt – what’s that about  ?) This was the tallest mountain that I could  see from my house.  Well similarly ‘Bunda’ stands in the distance when you are in Lilongwe …….. except it’s steeper. higher , more remote and far far more difficult to walk up.  But not to be discouraged by that fact off we set in two cars to the foot of the hill. There are a number of things you have to understand in trying to envisage what I mean by the foot of the hill.  All around the land is perfectly flat and then like a cone just stuck on the land, Bunda rises up in front of you. There is no road of course that leads to the bottom, but a very bumpy dirt track with numerous pot holes and ridges, On arriving at the foot of Bunda there were a number of adults and children milling around two or three straw thatched houses.
We parked the cars and gave some money to the ladies sat on the wooden bench who said that they would look after the cars.  Now this wasn’t a “Do you want us to look after your cars mate or else we’ll pull your wing mirrors off” which one might find in some certain cities in England , but more of a ” We will look after your cars for you sir” and as we were kind of parked within 2 feet of their front doors – fair enough.

And so began the walk/climb up Bunda. We were joined by a group of 4 or 5 boys aged between 6 and 10 who offered to be our bodyguards, and guided us as to the best way.  This wasn’t like a walk up a  hill in the Lake district, or the Pennines  where you weaved your way through the rocks or at the very least some footholds to aid your ascent.  If you can imagine getting hold of your tiled bathroom floor at one side and tilting it at an angle of 60º, and trying to walk up it with a lean of 45º then the is what it was like climbing up Bunda – smooth granite rock.   Needless to say the boys, barefooted, jumped and danced their way up the slope, clearly knowing every turn. rock, slope that there was.  They had obviously grown up on this mountain and it was theirs. They took great delight in showing off its hazards and wonders.  Even more amazing was that as we were walking up, leaning at an angle of roughly 45º, coming in the opposite direction were ladies, many with babies strapped to them walking absolutely beautifully down the mountain, no panting, no looking that it was difficult, no looking tired, just walking , ………and there is no other word for it … majestically down the slope

It was an amazing walk up and I soon realised that this mountain had  certain religious connotations as at the top were some very crudely, yet beautifully  built shelters for people to go and stay in possibly for 2 or 3 days to pray.

At the top the views were absolutely amazing, due to the flatness of the surrounding land.    

Views that were well worth the climb. In fact it was so calm and peaceful to just sit on the top that there was clearly a danger of staying up there for too long, and let the sun go down behind the horizon, as in Malawi it does tend to get dark around 5:30 to 6:00.  But we pulled ourselves away from the views and set off down, marvelling at the amazing sunset.

Thankful that our guides knew the exact route down as the sun eventually set, and we made it down just as the sun had set and we were in darkness.

The next excursion the following day, was completely different – a football match between two of the biggest teams in Malawi – Bullets v Silver  Now Bullets who have no sponsor,  apparently are ‘The People’s Team of Malawi and Silver do have sponsorship.  They are two rival teams who are from Lilongwe. Walking to the stadium was very much like a football match in England, crowds, people selling souvenirs. food etc.  We went into the expensive seats because this was the only side with a roof..  When I say seats it’s actually steps that you sit on, but everyone sits on the steps and no-one stands up on this side at all.  Whilst on the other three sides it’s all standing with no cover at all. The stadium probably holds about 15,000.  The pitch showed a few signs of grass but was extremely hard which meant the ball bounced excessively.  This bounce invariably meant that tackles were occasionally high and a number of injuries were sustained.  Whether this was normal or not I’m not sure but at least 8 players were taken off by stretcher during the game. There were various dances and considerable cheering as Silver took the lead 2- 0.  Two highlights of the match occurred towards the end of the Game, some stones were thrown at a player from The Silver team.  This resulted in the players and the referee standing around while the armoured car, throbbed into action and sped around to the far side of the pitch.  Now at this point I was going to take a photograph, but remembering my previous interaction with Officials within Malawi, I slid my camera back in to my pocket, as these guys in the Armoured car clearly meant business and I didn’t fancy explaining that I had just arrived and was unaware of anything at all !!!!!!.  The crowd who clearly were the target of the armoured car quickly disappeared, as the armoured car carried on its way around the pitch trying to spot the stone thrower – thoughts of Life of Brian came into my head ……….(Im not going to explain you’ll just have to watch the film and look out for the stone throwers !) –

Whilst all this was going on the referee restarted the game, and Bullets scored a goal but it was not acknowledged as a goal until at least 4 minutes after it had been scored ! The crowd needless to say were not happy with the result and as the match finished there were various ‘discussions’ going on between supporters.

 

 

To round the day off we visited a bar on the way home.  With iron bars on the counter of the Bar you had to pass your money through the bars and receive your drinks in a similar manner.  With our drinks in our hands we no sooner had put the drinks to our lips than all the electricity went off, and we were plunged in to the dark. Fortunately I remembered where my mouth was and it didn’t stop me from drinking a ‘Green’ , the local ale.

The electricity and hence the lights stayed off for the rest of the evening – drinking to the light of the torch on the iPhones – just a normal evening in Malawi, but a great one at that.

Get on ‘yer’ bike ……….

It’s all about the bike – Before I go to take up the Educational Specialist post in Mangochi I of course have to have transport.  As I’ve already mentioned this means learning to ride a motor bike. A long time ago, before the BCT training ( i.e. having to pass initial training before going out onto the roads – yes I’m that old !) .) I rode a motor bike to a school.  Quite badly I might add – who can forget the wheelie (is that how you spell it ?)  down the drive towards the garage door !    As those of you who are keen (or daft )  enough to have read the previous blogs will know I passed the figure of 8 in the car park and was allowed to venture out onto the roads of Blackburn.  Well something very similar happens in Malawi except ………………………. its zig-zags around very closely spaced 10 cones. I’m sure they were further apart in England !    At the beginning of the week I managed to kill 9 of the 10 cones, but after much swearings and repetitive shouts of  “Come on I can do this !!! ” at the end of the week I was judged to be safe to ride on the roads of Malawi.  When I say roads I of course mean roads and …….. dirt tracks. Fortunately they drive on the same side of the road.  So off I went following the instructor through the roads of the capital city of Malawi. That’s where the similarities between Blackburn and Lilongwe stop.

 

During the ride you encounter;  an inordinate number of pedestrians who really believe that roads are for people on foot;   Mini-buses rammed full with people ( the popular form of transport in Malawi, similar to our buses but nothing like !  ) who never show any signs of pulling away, turning left or turning right……… in fact no indications whatsoever, except to yell out of the window at fellow road users; a great number of cyclists who compete for the roads and side ways with the pedestrians, a few goats who randomly cross the road, dogs who usually just cross the road with no thought of the Highway Code and of course cars and motor bikes!

Well I managed to successfully manoeuvre my way through these roads and was beginning to become quite confident when we turned down a track that even if I was on foot I would consider fairly difficult to walk down.  …………….. managing to avoid large ridges that go along the road, humps that go across the road , holes that appear from nowhere, slopes that disappear into large ditches and all on extremely dusty, sand like surfaces…………. and of course the goats, people, children and the whole world going along this track at exactly the same time as me !   Just about managing to weave my way through these challenges bringing back memories of going to Motor Bike scramble events at Hawkstone Park – here I was the ‘Lampkin’   ( how on earth do I remember his name I was 14 the last time I went to a scramble event !! )  of the Malawian dirt tracks  ……..

With my bike wheel sliding sideways I was just starting to feel relaxed when the track began to narrow as it entered a homestead of several houses and lots of people, children, dogs – you get the picture.  The track really narrowed when as I lifted my head up I saw not 30 yards ahead of me what must have been the biggest fully ladened truck in the world and it was, like me,   trying to manoeuvre its way along the ruts, ridges and holes ………….. coming towards me and occupying exactly the same carefully thought out line of avoiding the ridges ruts and holes etc ! ………….  In no time at all I was on the narrowest part of the track at exactly the same time as the extremely large truck.  At this point I did what all motor cyclists people do when they think – Oh My Goodness ! …………. ( well I did anyway ) I leaned as far as i dare to the left,  the truck being on my left  ……. and yes you’ve guessed it …. closed my eyes !!!!!! I know you shouldn’t but I guess it was a reflex reaction.  Waiting to hear a noise of my wing mirror being ripped off  I opened my eyes and somehow, and I’ll never know quite  how but the truck had gone past me and I was carrying on up the track. …………..  They say Four wheels move the body and Two wheels move the soul – well I have to say it was more than my soul that moved !

With my back wheel sliding sideways from left to right and even occasionally in a straight line when the ridges in the track allowed I managed to complete the ride without any further incidents.  Arriving back at the yard, the instructor took his helmet off and asked – “Well how do you feel?  What do you think ? ” ……………… “Yes fine thanks !!!!!!!  Enjoyed it !!!!! ”    I left my helmet on so he couldn’t quite see how ashen faced I was

“We’ve just got the 200Km ride to do and some more dirt track rides then we’re done ! See you Monday”

……………………………… “Oh great I shall look forward to that   !!”

Lessons learned ……..

Still on my In-country Orientation ( or commonly known as “they cant find a house for me !” )  Well that’s not quite true but more about that later.

Heard at the beginning of this week that I just needed 5 sessions on the motor bike before I’m let out onto the Malawian roads – apparently this is a good thing – not me being on the Malawian roads which quite frankly terrifies me, but the fact I only have to do 5 sessions of training as opposed to 15 sessions.  Not sure when they begin but hopefully this week as I clearly need the motor bike when Im in Mangochi.  Presumably I cant go until Im judged to be a safe motor cyclist on roads that are busy to say the least and manic at the worst. Can’t wait !  And of course can’t go yet as havent found a house yet, but that was last week’s adventure.

“We’re off to Mangochi to find a house !”   Great …….. and off we set.  The roads in Malawi. particularly in towns and cities are fairly crowded,but as you get out into the country they are very straight, the traffic eases up but there are always people walking along the sides of the road and every so often there is a police road block and or a speed camera !  Well we stopped at a road block and speed camera and I thought it was a very interesting thing as it was the first time that I had encountered it and in hind sight, well ………. probably not a good idea …… but …….. thought to record events that happened I lifted my camera up to take a photo …………………WRONG decision.   It was not warmly received.  In no uncertain terms I was told to get out of the car, and suddenly was taken back to my school days when standing in front of the head teacher for not wearing my cap to school………….Sorry sir, I didn’t know, Im sorry, It wont happen again, so sorry, I’m new here, I didn’t understand,  etc etc.. That made no difference in my school days and I received the obligatory slipper ! but I thought Id give it a go and fortunately it worked this time.  I was severely told off.  He demanded to see all the photographs and fortunately I hadn’t actually clicked the button so there wasn’t a photo  … It was very much a one way conversation and series of questions which didn’t really expect an answer  except for repetitive “sorry, sorry” Told in no uncertain terms to get back into the car and we were on our way ! Lesson learned !

Looking for houses in Mangochi was a fascinating experience.  It wasn’t an Estate Agent experience more like finding a person, who knew a person who had an uncle who knew someone’s brother  whose cousin was letting a house but it may not be built yet.  Fortunately I had two brilliant people with me who just seemed to know everyone in Mangochi although they’d never met them before !

The morning of the visit gave me my first view  of probably one of the most important geographical landmarks of the country, Lake Malawi.  Apparently the lake has more species of fish than any other lake certainly in Africa if not the world    I was introduced here to what is apparently the best tasting fish you can have – Chambo – so obviously i had to try it A really beautiful lake, that early in the morning had the fishermen collecting their nets and placing their fish in containers ready to sell them  As well as the washing of clothes by the ladies at the waters edge.  The beach at the lake was just a hive of activity.  A fantastic scene to witness and one which I guess I will become used to but seeing it for the first time it just made you stand and take it all in .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                   And then of course the ladies carry their washing home – just amazing

Ready to search for the house we ventured into Mangochi which was just teeming with people, bikes, stalls, sellers, goats, stores    Such a busy place .  With mainly a tarmaced road ( no kerbs of course so its just a raised piece of road) with a few crossroads and then as you turn down these the tarmac gives way to dirt roads, bumps, ridges and all sorts of holes to catch out the uninitiated visitor.  We venture down one such road, with 2 additional passengers, a lady and her nephew, who are our guides to find this house. We arrive outside a house that is surrounded by the wall and security gate.  Looking around the house it looks good and very spacious but sadly it isn’t finished yet, and the builders are still inside it. Interestingly they live inside the house while they build it, their personal mosquito nets are carefully positioned in some of the rooms.  They say it will be finished in 2 weeks.  The plastering needed doing, utilities had to be put in and windows.  It would be very handy if I want to hone up my soccer skills as the football pitch is right in front of the gates.  We wait outside while we try to contact the owner to discuss the cost but sadly she wasn’t availableIt –  definitely looked a good prospect but whether it would be ready for me is another question  We will have to wait and see.    Whilst waiting we buy some small orange fruit ‘things’ for which there isnt an equivalent in English.

 

On to another and another.  Stop off to ask another man who has a friend who has a cousin who might know someone.  This meeting took place right by the Lake, and I was told that if while I was in Mangochi then this would be the place to come and swim. Just come and ask for the owner of these lodges.  I thanked him and thought what a great idea – ………… “Oh but you will just have to mind the crocodiles ‘cos this is where they come ! ”   …………… ” oh ok thanks for that I’ll think about it and let you know ! ”

We venture down what does appear to be a footpath around a very tight corner…………… we drive down the very narrow footpath – eyes closed ( mine I hasten to add not the driver thankfully ! )

At this house I had to stay in the car as we were told that as soon as they saw me, being a different colour to everyone else, the price of the rental would at least double if not treble.  Again I was taken back in my memory when as a child my mother and father, as a rare Sunday treat, went to a country pub.  I dutifully stayed in the car with my lemonade and packet of crisps for an hour or so and waited for their return.

So I sat in the car, ate my orange and I observed the discussion outside the gate and then they went inside the compound to reappear again 10 minutes later. This apparently looked a really good house, which unfortunately they couldn’t go inside as the owner was away but from the outside it looked really good.  So fingers crossed.   We then drove the long journey back to Lilongwe – quite how Im going to do this journey on my motor bike I’m not quite sure.  It goes right through the mountains, a very twisty and steep road where there used to be barriers on the side of the most dangerous bits but these have ‘disappeared’!  But I’m sure after 5 sessions I’ll be raring to go – mmmmmm …do you really think so ? ?

To add to the excitement of the week, those of you who know me, know I can last without food, without comforts etc but I really cant do without music.  Being all prepared I downloaded almost my whole collection of CDs, records ( or as they call it now Vinyls – you young people – huh  ! ) and made sure I had Spotify on every device, though without the Internet not sure how that will work but we will see.  Two days in my Bluetooth speaker, JBL Flip 3, (for those of you who are interested and you’re probably not but I just thought that if someone from JBL sees this they might feel sorry for me and send me a new one ! ) that has worked beautifully for the last year, suddenly decided to just pack in.  Buttons refused to work.  What do you do in situations like this besides for smashing it against the wall and shouting – a’ la John Cleese fashion – “You ********* worked for me in ****** England Why do you ****** wait until now to pack in  ?   I’m going to thrash you within an inch of your life ”  But instead turn to Youtube and some guy in the States had exactly the same problem and without going into detail, as you’ve probably already dropped off to sleep, I managed to get it kind of working, though not as it should !!!  So sanity is restored and the hills are alive again !   Note to JBL I can give you my forwarding address at any time ! And if it stops again. can anyone recommend any good books to read ………………

To round off the week I went with a fellow Volunteer to undergo my first visit to schools.  The whole reason why I’m out here – and wow I was just blown away.  The children were so so well behaved.  I just stood and watched as these  6 year olds walked into the Learning centre ( 30 children out of a class of 150) They sat on the rush mats and waited beautifully.  They passed the iPads along the line of 4, received their headphones, logged onto their group and found their names.  Without any further fuss they proceeded to work their way through the tasks on the iPads.  Hardly a word was spoken and certainly not by the children.

 

The smiles were enormous when they completed a task and if they got something wrong there was no question of asking for help, they just sat there and tried to work it out for themselves, and repeated it until they got it right or the program moved them on.  At the end of session they closed the iPads, took off their headphones and just moved silently out of the class.

 

These children were  6 years of age  and many had very very poor literacy and numeracy skills, if any.  To watch them working within this environment was just amazing.  Definitely some lessons to be learned by others I think 

 

 

My first introduction to schools and I cant wait to go into my own group of schools.

 

And then to round off a brilliant morning I watched as some of the children performed in front of the school.  I was invited to sit and watch.  And it was a role reversal  as the teachers took pictures of me just sitting there watching the festivities   It was a fantastic experience. This is Malawi

One week in ……… well almost!

Well, been in Malawi now for almost 1 week – only another 51 weeks to go – doesn’t time fly when you’re enjoying yourself!  That sounds negative and I don’t mean it to be at all but actually when you say you’re going somewhere for a year it sounds a very long time but with only 51 weeks to go somehow it seems different.

This week has been all about ‘In-country orientation’ to use the correct terminology ( actually it’s probably not but I’ve lost count of the number of new phrases I’ve had to learn – and that’s just in English – Liquidation  – basically when you ask for money that you may need or alternatively claim money back, or hand in receipts for food bought, but you need a pritt stick (forgot to pack mine !)  and a piece of paper and an amazing capacity to keep every single receipt – simples ! So in the midst of trying to learnEnglish I’ve also had to begin ( and the emphasis is on begin !) to  learn Chichewa – Zikomo (thank you) and Moni (Hello) and Muli Bwanji? ( How are you?) Trouble is with the last one they tend to reply with something that I haven’t got a clue.  So I fall back on my usual Language trick of nodding and smiling and uttering the occasional sound which agrees with what they say.  Well it always worked for me in France that is except when we got a plate of uncooked meats and cheeses and I thought I’d ordered 5 omelettes ! So meal times are still interesting.

The staple diet is either chicken (in all forms) and Nsima.   This is cooked, ground white maize flour that is used as the stodge ( and I mean that in the nicest way) for the majority of malawian meals.  Eaten with your fingers this was my introduction to Malawian food. But to eat it you have to wash your hands first.  I walked over to the sink and turned the tap on but no water.  Fortunately my ‘minder’ while I’m country orientating was with me and asked them to turn on the water. Apparently it is turned off to save for when there is a problem with water supply.  As I don’t have a big appetite I only managed one Nsima. As people had previously told me it has no taste at all but is very filling. So filling that I haven’t eaten another one – yet !

My home for the next few days is  the Country Office in the guest house. I’m staying here until accommodation can be found for me in Mangochi.  I guess at the moment I’m very lucky as I do have a fairly secure wifi access something I won’t have when I go ‘into the country .  We  have guards on the gates and it does take some getting used to them letting you out and then knocking on the

gate when you come back, even when you’ve just popped

out for a yoghurt ! ( not that I used to eat yoghurt but you get the gist  …………..and I do now! ……..)

You do feel like saying ‘ it’s ok I’m only popping out for a few minutes, just going round the corner I won’t be long – leave it open !!! but of course you can’t and on return – knock 3 times ( another cue for a song !) and the guard opens the gate – as I walk past the guard  ‘Zikomo’

( see even you’ve learnt the language now ! )

As well as meetings on Finance, I have meetings on Safety and security, naturally,  which was really helpful – what to do if …………… ( I just hope I can remember it when “if ‘ does happen or even if  ‘if’  happens – what?)

For my VSO Card I had to go and have a passport photo taken – No sitting in a booth, feeding your money into a machine and click its done – in Malawi you get the personal touch.  A lovely photo shop with a pulled curtain and a chair at the far end of the room.  A gentleman with a camera appears and takes your photo – telling me head to the left, no thats too much, not enough – ( I really couldn’t do a photo shoot. ) And then hey presto in a few minutes you’re given your 2 Passport photos.

 

 

Visiting the market in the city was a fantastic experience.  Although as in many markets around the world the sellers really want to sell you their goods, and when I say they want to sell you their goods – they really want to sell you there goods, a simple no thank you is all that is needed and you move on to the next person who wants to see you their produce. Really lovely people . The vegetables and fruits, looked truly amazing and again everyone was extremely polite

 

As I travelled to my next part of the induction, I travel along a route off the tarmac road and into other parts.  The roads are a kind of sandy grit have a number of holes and bumps all along the route, where occasionally the bottom of the car does meet the road surface.  The shops and houses along these paths/roads are very different to the area where the Country office is , where local people and businesses are selling their wares in what we would call very impoverished conditions. It does make you stop and think very hard about people and hardships. Just driving though these areas and I’m sure there are many around the world very similar and even worse but when you think of what ‘we’ have it does make you think ! I know I’ve repeated myself but it’s worth the repetition.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My journey was of course to the land of the cones ! which if you’ve read previous blogs you will know that this is devised by people who just want to create patterns with cones and make you drive around them on a two wheeled vehicle that was never made to go round cones spaced only a few metres apart.  So here we go again and according to local legend (or so I am told) if I’m ok on the bike then I will only need 5 days of training to be ready for the Malawian roads and if  I hit the cones or don’t manoeuvre in a figure of 8,  6 times successfully I’ll need 15 days !!!!!!!!!! I can’t wait ! As I write this I am awaiting to hear the full verdict and the sentence !

Just as a useless piece of information do you know if you look up to translate English into a language for Malawi it doesn’t exist !

Killed my first mosquito tonight withe ‘Executioner” – zzzzttt there it was gone – great feeling of triumph but still trying to suss out how to get into bed once the mosquito net is tucked in.