Warning – this post will contain elements of self-pity, memory-loss and – forgot what I was going to say !

Apologies from the outset as I wrote this a few months back and forgot to click the ‘Publish’ button!  What can I say !!!!!  Old age comes to us all !!!

It’s now almost 10 months since I last posted a blog. That could be for a number of reasons:-

  1. Old age –  Forgotten passwords, how to use the blog, why am I writing, what am I writing and even why did I come into this room !

0r

2.     Nothing momentous or exciting has happened in the last 11 months!

or

3.        Why would anyome want to read it in the first place ?

and lastly –

4.   I’ve run so many races/runs that I just haven’t had time to put pen to paper or (to be down their with the kids !) fingers to keys. – they probably don’t say that but hey !

So why am I writing it now, I hear you shout –  !

Well – and this is the self pity bit – I haven’t run now for almost 3 weeks.  Now that may not seem a long time but to me it seems like years.  In fact so much so I had to go back 3 times to my calendar to actually sit there and count the days.  It has seemed like an eternity ! Now I realise this is pathetic and “Just get over yerself !” I hear you shout again ! But it has seemed like ages ago that I ran.  I also realise that my little “Knee problem” is absolutely nothing compared to what others ( those in particular that Im trying to raise money for !) are going through, so my apologies for whinging !! So I feel a need for a recap and what has brought me to this self-pitying stage !

My aim was to run 1 or 2 races every month leading up to London Marathon 2024.  Well I did ! And if I went through each of the runs step by step; and that’s an awful lot of steps; all of you particularly me would have fallen asleep ( must be the old age !) and this blog would make the Guinness Book of Records for being the longest boring blog on record. Currently up there in the top ten !   So not only am I going to be self-pitying, and Ill get to that bit later but Im going to be self-indulgent and just highlight some of the highlights – as they say a ‘dump’ .  How cool am I ?

Take for example the Great North Run in  September 2023.  The downside of this run is that you are told to be in your ‘pen’ at the same time as everyone else regardless of your start time !  This means that you are standing around for almost 2 hours before the run.  The positive side is you can bore everyone around you all about your reason for running, how many runs you’ve already completed and in general your life history since you first went to Nursery school! My thanks to the two lovely people, (you know who you area although you probably don’t read this !)  who I was next to during these 2 hours who listened and nodded in all the right moments. My grateful thanks for putting up with my mutterings    They must have felt pity for me – looking at my ageing years and thought, “This guy is not going to last the full distance!”  One of them even told me afterwards that as she went zooming past me I didn’t say hello, as I thought it may  put you off !!

But I did finish and then encountered the biggest downpour Gateshead has ever seen !!  So heavy that trams stopped, busses stopped and the ferry stopped !  75,000 runners and probably an equal amount of spectators all trapped in Gateshead !

 

 

Took me longer in the queue for the ferry
than it did to run half a marathon – Will I do it again this year ????   Of course I will !  Running it for Rosemere Cancer Foundation where Laura had a lot of her treatment.

 

I have just realised that I think I will need to cut this blog up into Episodes.  As each of the runs Ive done have all had their own stories.

Next – the international traveler !!!! October 2023.  First up Palma, Majorca. I mean after the down pour in the North East I deserved some sunshine and a feeling that it’s too hot to run !

Right ?

Wrong !!

To say I was wet is putting it mildly – it hadn’t rained for a week; and then ‘it’ ie the Heavens, thought Mike’s running I’m going to wait till he’s almost here then I’m going to ******** **** down ! And it did just as I was being dropped off

but as the spaniards gingerly tiptoed through the puddles with their running shoes in their hands, coming from Lancashire I just waded straight through !! and got very wet feet !!

 

 

The run was good.  One white haired gentleman I was running past  or was he running past me – probably the latter said

“Do you realise that between you and me we have almost doubled  the average age of this marathon!”  And even in Spain I got pats on the back saying – great charity to run for – which I absolutely love –  just amazing.  It’s the main reason I started running just 3 years ago – to support the charities fighting cancer !

But towards the end it, ie the Heavens, decided enough sun lets **** it down  so much so that every single part of me, skin, vest, shorts, socks, shoes  and anything else I was wearing were saturated, including my mobile !

Number 1-  tip carry your mobile in something water proof if the weather is going to be inclement ! After the finish the Phone rang and I couldn’t answer it; everything was too wet – in the end I had to ask a boy standing next to me if I can use his finger – between you and me with my Spanish and his English I was a bit worried  – but he eventually got the gist and he slid the answer bar across and I could finally answer !!!  Phew ! But that was the last call on that mobile ! And we put it to sleep somewhere in the Mediterranean !

But not to be defeated – a week later if its Sunday it must be

The beauty of having friends in far-flung places is that you can go and stay with them when you are running half-marathons in far flung places.  Venice was no exception.  For anyone that has attempted to run in Italy, you need a special form to say you are fit to run !! I duly filled in the form and sent it off,  Checked on the website to make sure everything was ok.. In big red letters it said you haven’t uploaded your form so you can’t run !!   I duly uploaded my form again and checked.  Big red letters again ! NO form – no run.  Uploaded again – Website NESSUNA FORMA – NESSUNA ESECZIONE ; by now I had become fluent in Italian ! I then decided that I was going to go and if I couldn’t run well C’est La Vie ( multi lingual by now !) On arrival to collect the number , the very nice lady said, “oh you can fill that form in here no one has filled it in !”    Anyway the half-marathon was great except who knew there were so many bridges in Venice?  They even built a special one for the run ! as if there wasn’t enough !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I also claim the best photo bomb ever when there was a special service, the evening before,  in a cathedral for the runners.  The whole service was in Italian and I didn’t understand a word.    I thought it would be a good idea to go in my running vest; no one else seemed to be, so I thought ‘in for a penny ‘ and joined the priests on the steps – just had to be done !


This blog has been sitting on my laptop for quite a while now so I best publish it before the writing begins to fade – along with my memory    It’s an age thing !

Next episode: Running with a moustache, being ‘outed’ for being an old man, running with Lions, the beginnings of ‘fame!’  and then of course the biggy – London 2024

Magic piano, Molehills and Mountains

Probably writing this to a very limited audience ! i.e. 1  ( me) but guess it’s cathartic. (First and last long word used !)  My last post on here was so long ago even I found it interesting (mildly) to read it to remember what I’d said !  It was January 2023, and in it I talked about running the London Marathon last year and the incredible experience it was and the reasons why I ran it.  The last 8 months have flown by and have provided all kinds of experiences.  As you know (well of course you know – it’s only me reading it !) So in January I said I’d try to run every month in official Runs/Races, and sometimes 2 or 3 times a month. My first one was 10 km at Tatton Park in very wet conditions.  At the end as I was walking back to the car, very wet and looking similar to someone who had a shower but forgotten to take their clothes off !, I said to a lady also walking back;

“Why do we do this?”She replied, “Because it’s a bug !”, as she got into her car, with registration: RUN 1.    She has a point !

The next 8 months saw me run as I had planned and up to date have completed 11 official runs.  With Great North coming up in 2 weeks.  Each run with their own story to tell.

For the  two of you i.e. me and my friend on the Isle of Wight ! (family joke -” I only have one friend and he lives on the Isle of Wight ” !)  who have read my previous blog , my bruised face and sore ribs was me falling over a very small stone on a training run !!! Is it old age, too tired, too many stones or just clumsiness  I know which one I think ! This meant that I completed some of the runs with a very strange support around my ribs which gave me an inclining of what women used to go through with a girdle!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Running in  London in February being cheered on by polar bears around Trafalgar Square; was a great experience. Running it with friends and family followed by a lovely lunch was a great ending to the run.
In Chester running past my house where I grew up and all my old haunts was something special;

 

 

 

 

 

Lea Valley running 13 times around a route where after 9 laps I lost count ! so I ran somewhere between 20 km and 24 km !Who knows ??? But great to finish the last lap with the ‘little man’!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Great encouragement from friends and family who were running Chorley 10Km;

Loved Manchester half marathon, amazing atmosphere, sharing jelly babies with other runners:- sounds a bit weird I know  but it was offered so who was I to refuse  and I managed to get under 2: 30 for the first time; so jelly babies hence forth to the fore.

Richmond  and Rickling – was great running it with family and friends, again amazing support.

  Abersoch where the winds and rains came and the last 1 km of the 21 km was on the beach!  As we turned the bend to arrive on the beach, I turned to the guy who I was running alongside and we both said; ” ******* **** ” or was it “Oh dear” can’t quite remember,.  Advice apparently was to run as close to the sea as possible where the hard sand was.  However, along the beach were approximately 13 groynes (look it up !) which were highest by the sea and lowest on the soft sand.   A challenge but can’t deny it was great experience.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And then a week ago ran the Lights at Blackpool – probably shouldn’t have due to no runs for over a fortnight; a minor op involving 22 stitches and a chest cough that made it tough to breathe ! But couldnt say no could I – I mean it was in the plan !!! Medal haul was growing so was bought a medal hanger -to make the place look tidy!

Of course have to remember why Im doing all this  ……

in memory of our amazing daughter – Laura

She really is with me on every run I do; her encouragement, her words, her presence.  It may sound very weird but running just makes the memory of Laura even stronger.

“It’s ok to feel low, unsure or emotional.  We are allowed to be vunerable as long as we don’t stay there and we keep pushing forward “

Laura Stephenson

So pushing forward is what I try to do

Just in case you’ve dropped off to sleep ( and who can blame you!) I’m raising funds for The Christie hospital leading up to the London Marathon 2024

The medal is part of the Christie Challenge, which is made up of 6 jigsaw pieces of a medal for 6 separate events I know that many many of you have given already, but sadly Cancer and especially Bowel Cancer is still very much with us and every penny counts to try and find treatments for it .

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/mikebarnes4

Every penny counts.

 

This takes me to the Magic Piano ………….

Now at this point I may well lose my younger readers !  When Junior choice was on the radio on a Saturday, one of my favourite songs along with Puff the Magic Dragon ( but we wont go into that !) was Sparky’s Magic Piano ! See I told you I’d lose you – but bear with ……

Sparky was a young boy who had a magic piano that played itself and everyone thought that it was Sparky that was playing, and he became famous for playing the piano; However, when he got over confident and said he didn’t need the magic piano anymore then the piano refused to play for him !!! What’s this got to do with ‘the price of bread?” I hear you say. Well I think the more confident I got with running the more I thought I can do this easily.  Move to now and I think my body has said ok go on then “Run without me helping”! Hence I now haven’t run for 2 or 3 weeks really ( except for Blackpool and a park run) and I now have to rest with a cough and stitches taken out yesterday but the medics said “No running/sweating for a few days.”  At this point I could go off at a complete tangent but I wont ! Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill but no running for a number of days is: to get down with the kids “Doing me head in!”  Is my body like Sparky’s Magic Piano? Is this a simile or an analogy – I’ll have to ask a teacher !

I never heard the end of Sparky’s story but I’m hoping it turned out to be a positive one as I have the Great North Run in just 2 weeks time !!!!!

And as for the Mountain that episode  I promise will be coming along very soon and a weekend that has left me with a memory of inspiration and an amazing group of people …………..

Marathon Journey Chapter 3

Well talk about putting something off – this must stand out as a record ! I started this on October 9th – where does the time go ?  So my apologies but its really going to be a mash up of London Marathon, and next challenge/s .

On Sunday October 2nd 2022 at 16:47 I passed the finish line in what was probably one of the most exhilarating 5 hrs and 50 minutes of my life.  The strangest feelings take over your legs; although they are tired and physically you are quite shattered, your legs just seem to want to keep running – slowly I must admit, but they just want to keep moving.  There must actually be a ‘stopping distance’ for runners dependent upon the distance they have covered.  You can’t just stop dead.   But let’s not start at the finish, ‘cos that would be just too weird and a very short blog ! – lets go to the beginning.

A close friend said, “Why run when you can catch a bus ??”  To answer that I just simply have to refer to Laura’s saying, ”

For most of us with Cancer all we want is someone to fight with us and tell us that’s what they are doing !”

Laura, of course passed away in December 2019. She possessed the courage, faith, hope, and positivity that you can just stand back and admire.  She has 3 totally awesome daughters who are totally growing up in her image. When the going gets tough, or I don’t want to run, or I want to walk, or I want to stop ; she is there saying “You can do this!”  I run to celebrate your life and amazing courage.

I guess my running is my way of saying I am fighting with all those folk who are facing the most difficult times of their lives, either personally, family or friends. When I run I do definitely feel like giving up many times, but always in my head is “Dont be a ‘wuss’ you can do this.  All you’re doing is putting one foot in front of another – what can be tough about that compared to what some folk are going through – so I run !  I don’t particularly think, “Oh goody I’m going for a run!” but I guess there is something inside me that just drives me to go and run ! and believe me there are times when I REALLY don’t want to  !

 

So back to the London Marathon 2022.  Lots of people ask me “What was it like?” and my answer is always the same

“Probably one of the most exhilarating, exciting, challenging events that I have ever taken part in.!”

I apologise to those of you that i have totally bored with the story of the day but if I don’t write it down by tomorrow I’ll forget all about it ( it’s an age thing!) and I really don’t want to forget the day.

To start at the start – a very good place to start as someone once said …….I was fortunate that the son of some great friends of ours, Col and Steph, had a place in London in Finsbury Park so I could stay at his the night before.  This was partly through  making it easy to get to the start on the Sunday but also because of my previous history ( see previous blog ) that my friend said,

“I am  personally, going to put you on the train to make sure you get there on time, and I might even put a sign round your neck to make sure you get there.” 

Think he’s been reading too much Paddington Bear ! I mean as if I wouldn’t get there in time!!!!  So early doors, up and placed on the train. Caught the tube and then the connecting train to Blackheath Common.  They were four or five deep standing on the platform, all with their drop-off bag and most of them looking as nervous as I was. We packed onto the train.  It was like rush hour on a bad day – but with one big difference – everyone was talking with each other, polite, and not worrying if you were standing on somebody’s foot. Crammed in, literally standing face to face, stories flowed about why we were all running, and it was sort of then that I realised why I was attempting to run 26.2 miles. I met some amazing people just within the 2 or 3 stops to Blackheath Common. Meeting people like Rachel – who gave a donation to my Justgiving page –

“I met you on the underground on the way to the London Marathon ………. I have no doubt your daughter would be so proud of you – thinking of her little girls !”

Even walking from the start, chatting to another runner, who looked as though he’d lifted weights for years and run since he was six months old compared to the very old, skinny guy who just happened to rock up to the event; and hearing his excitement in undertaking his first London Marathon – similar minds if not bodies !   Standing in the middle of the common and looking around at all the people  getting ready with their outfits, drop-off bags, plastic bin liners , pre running exercises etc; each one with an incredible story to tell, I felt somewhat overwhelmed.

This time I just stood there and looked around; chatted with a group of first time runners. The sense of camaraderie was amazing.  Again a donation appears on my Justgiving page from Gillian and Kath,

It was so lovely to meet you at the start on Sunday.  Thank you for calming our nerves and helping with our ‘bin bag ponchos’  Massive congrats, an amazing achievement for an incredible cause!”

Just to explain, they had brought black bin liners as advised in order to keep warm while they waited, but as they slipped them over their heads realised that they hadn’t cut any holes in them for their head or arms. Should have taken a photo !!!

No sooner are you called to your “Wave and colour” and you are off on an incredible journey of 26.2 miles

Catch a bus ? – no thanks I’ll run !

Talking, gasping for breath, aching legs, aching body, – and that’s just within the first mile !!! Going past the man carrying a washing line, the Rhino and the Teddy Bear, the Penguin, the T”ree – well ok maybe they went past me but who’s counting!  Not only are the runners encouraging each other but the crowd are shouting your name and encouraging you as you run past

‘Go on Mike, you’ve got this ! Keep going” 

Who knew over three quarters of a million people would turn out to watch just me run !!!!  but that is honestly what it feels like.  And then of course you do have family and friends who also turn out to watch you – I do have to thank them all for their amazing support, generosity and just for being fantastic people who without them I definitely wouldn’t have been able to successfully complete the run.  Their support was just amazing ! Even friends who you didn’t know were going to be there and suddenly you hear your name shouted and you look;

“Whoa what you doing here – amazing – Hiya !”

 

and then you carry on to the next mile, and the next mile, and the next ……. all the sights of London zooming past you – well when I say zooming maybe just slowly going past but you get the idea

 

 

Jelly beans eaten, water stations gratefully accepted, sweets accepted, pieces of orange accepted, toilet stops declined – who knew I could go for 6 hours without going to the loo?   After 26 miles of just the most amazing time ever you approach Buckingham Palace and you think this is it, round the bend and run down the Mall.  In my mind I thought the run down the mall was the length of the Mall, but actually the finish comes much quicker than I thought.  I can honestly say that as I crossed the finish line I was looking around to see if I had actually finished – I thought I can’t turn to someone and say “Is that it?  Have I finished?” “No go on Do it again !” Sounds like a hob nob being dunked in your tea !  – (echoes of Peter Kay – if you know you know !) Very strange; my brain was just addled !

After that very bizarre moment you really want to shout out- “Yeeeeeeeee I’ve done it!” or grab someone to hug ; but that would have just been too weird. So you walk up through the other runners, accept your medal, take a shiny blanket and wrap it round yourself – even though you don’t really need it but Ive seen them do it on the tele !   And then I just stood and looked around. Feeling quite emotional I guess.  Feeling what have I just done? Feeling tired – no not really; I think the emotion takes over I guess.  When you finish, above the timing clock friends and family can put words up and through some clever technology they appear on the bridge over the timing clock.  If you’re running so fast as you go over the finish line (haha ) you don’t get to read them all but these were there for me as I crossed the line.  Again the old eyes start to blur, probably due to the sweat  and nothing at all to do with tears !!!!

I was met by Colin at the end and we walked to the rooms in the hotel that Bowelcanceruk had made available for the runners and their families.  At this point I do have to mention Bowelcanceruk, and just what an amazing organisation they are.  The support that I had was just brilliant.

Back at the hotel i met my family, friends and fellow runners who had now become close friends; absolutely the icing on the cake.

My family have been and continue to be my inspiration. There are just so many other people who had a hand in my running the marathon that it really was a team effort; the encouragement from my family; my friends; Bowelcanceruk; the people who donated in excess of £7,600 towards saving lives and improving the quality of life of everyone affected by bowel cancer.

       

 

 

THANK YOU  TO EVERYONE

 

Would I do it again ? 

 

ABSOLUTELY – APRIL 2024 HERE I COME

What’s next, I hear you say – thanks for that !!!!!!!    well funny you should ask………

The plan is from January 2023 leading up to April 2024, to run in organised events, each month, 10km, Half Marathon or Marathon, a total of 300 miles overall.  Raising funds for Bowelcanceruk please. One run already completed at Tatton Park in January, next one is next week  The Winter Run in London.   As an amazing online friend of mine said recently,

“Want to know the biggest risk for Bowel Cancer ?

Age ? …………….. No

Diet? …………………No

Lifestyle ? ……………….No

 

It’s ……………

      Having a Bowel !!! 

           So I make no apologies ………. Donations page is open.

What happened to your face, nose and ribs – Don’t ask !!!!!!!!!   That’s in the next blog …..……..

 

 

Lessons Learned – Marathon Journey

Chapter 2

Definite need to add Chapter 2 to my Marathon Journey. After the great success of my last blog – culminating in somewhere in the region of 1 comment (thanks Laura T !) I feel it is only fair to update you all . So as ever the whole reason for running the London Marathon is in memory of the amazing person that was Laura Stephenson. No amount of running could ever equal the strength and courage she showed throughout her illness. So every step of the way in races and the solitary running along the country lanes, avoiding dogs that snap at your heels, moving from one side of the lane when blind bends are encountered and waving politely at cars that zoom past within a few inches of me as I dive into the hedge, I know she is there saying – “Go on Dad, you can do this !” And for some reason every time I write that I have difficulty seeing – no idea why !!!

So running along the lanes listening to Frank Turner tunes, (that was the last gig we went to together), I decided really I should get another half marathon (for previous Half Marathon see Chapter 1) run to experience running with others as oppose to crawling along on my own etc. Enter The Big Half Marathon in London!

After carefully checking the temperature isn’t going to exceed 40 degrees and the percentages are there will be more of a certain age category running I decide to enter. Begin to slightly worry when I get an email from ‘The Big Half’ saying – “Great News; Mo Farah and Eilish McColgan are running with you in The Big Half ! Mmmmmmm don’t think they will be running “with” me but I get the gist !!

After my experience in the Richmond Park Half Marathon, I begin to think maybe I should change my diet of a coffee for breakfast and sometimes an evening meal when I feel hungry ! So a big change in diet with ‘Power Muesli’ for breakfast, ‘Can’t Beet Me Smoothie’, Warrior Drink and ‘Pesto Pasta with Sardines” I’m ready for the challenge.

Staying overnight in Stevenage, with Emily and Ben it’s an easy journey into London and Tower Bridge. Give myself plenty of time as occasionally, only very occasionally I’m a bit rushed – Not this time !!! A lift to the Station and I’m there standing on the platform at 7:50 waiting for the 08:05 direct train into London. Takes 20 minutes into London so plenty of time to hand my bag in and be at the there for a 10:10 start from just past Tower Bridge. At 08:05 an announcement over the tannoy, “The 08:05 train has been cancelled and due to delayed works on the line there will be no trains running until at least 09:00.

In the meantime, my family who are coming to support me and watch the event have travelled much later, gone a different route and at 09:20 are standing by Tower Bridge waiting to see me. At 09:25 Im still stood at Stevenage on Platform 3, dressed in my running kit, number on my vest, discussing the merits of British Rail with anyone who cares to listen ! Some 25 mins later, at 9:50 a train decides to pick up the prospective passengers off Platform 3. At Kings Cross I hop on the tube, totally relaxed ! I remove my tracksuit bottoms whilst travelling on the tube to Tower Bridge, totally oblivious to the looks I was getting from fellow passengers. Well to be honest not totally oblivious but by this time, I just didnt care ! Thankfully my ‘entourage’ met me at the exit of the tube station. Some 25 minutes after ‘all’, and I mean ‘ALL’ of the runners had started I discuss with the guy collecting the bags of the runners which way to go to the start. “Just go up round that bend, straight over Tower Bridge and the start is just down there !”

As I jog relatively quickly round the bend, I realise that his “just” and my “just” may not quite have the same meaning. I weave in and out of the crowds on Tower Bridge as they watch the whole posse of runners running across the Bridge. When I say the whole posse what I really mean is all but one ! I’m busy running in the opposite direction to try to find the start. The runners that I am now running past waving really politely at me as if to say – “Errrrr you’re running in the wrong direction !”

The runners after 6 miles ( I thought they’d just started !

This is what Tower Bridge looked like to me as I ran in the opposite direction ! I’m somewhere near the 3rd lampost on the left !!

A new definition of “just round the bend” is clearly now about a “mile down the road” ! So by the time I reach the Start arch, there are no competitors in sight just some pretty bored marshalls. At this point I just presumed i should keep running under the Start Arch and just keep running. I passed a marshall who was clearly important as he held a walkie talkie in his hand, I heard him say ” The last runner is just coming through, Number 10885 ! For some very strange reason I looked down at my chest and realised that the number was in fact mine !

I now know what Forrest Gump felt like. I just ran. No other runners in sight, just marshalls looking slightly bemused and smiling. Running along what is normally a very busy road in London totally on your own is quite an unnerving experience. I kept looking over my shoulder to see if they had opened the road! The slogan for the London Marathons, both the Big Half and The Full London Marathon is “We run as One” How did they know that I was !!! Just one runner !

A very busy underpass

Running along a road on your own is strange – running through a long underpass is just weird!!! I did resist the temptation to just shout “ECHO” at the top of my voice. Eventually I did actually catch up 2 other runners after about 2 or 3 miles. They too had been held up and together we ran the whole Half Marathon

For those teachers amongst you the two photo photos are great examples of compare and contrast experiences – On the left is mine and on the right is 14,000 other runners !

Eventually I managed to catch up on a few other runners and actually enjoyed the company of my two fellow runners.

After a somewhat strange start, the end was brilliant and overall it was a great experience. The encouragement from those who stayed was great. It did seem a long way and I did think to myself – “Can I really now run it all again – ie A Big Half x 2 !!!!! Scary – Time will tell very shortly !

But with you alongside me – Sunday here we come – and Chapter 3 – still time to donate

Thank you of course to all of you who have donated to such an amazing charity Your generosity is absolutely brilliant – Thank you so much

BowelcancerUk are the UK’s leading bowel cancer charity. They fund targeted research, provide expert information and support to patients and their families, educate the public and professionals about the disease and campaign for early diagnosis and access to best treatment and care.   Above all they are here to stop people dying of bowel cancer.

There’s nowt clever about running ! Chapter 1

So many of you will know that I have decided to run the London Marathon 2022 in aid of Bowelcanceruk and in memory of Laura. There’s no effort or blog on earth that could do justice to Laura and the amazing person that she was. So this blog, the next two blogs and all of my running hours are of course dedicated to Laura and her 3 beautiful daughters.

Way back in July 2021 I decided upon this marathon journey (- see what I did there ! ). I contacted Bowelcanceruk and asked if it was possible to run the London Marathon in aid of Bowelcanceruk and in remembrance of Laura. They soon came back and said I could apply and they would let me know if I was successful in a month or so. To be honest at that time I had no idea of the challenge or commitment that it would involve – I just knew that I wanted to do something that would focus attention to the issues surrounding bowel cancer and of course try to bring Laura’s amazing life to the forefront. Id previously written a few blogs about it,- can be found here on earlier blogs; had a book published available on Amazon – ‘Nobody Said It Would Be Easy‘ – also available at other well known publishers !!!

Run a few miles – what could be difficult about that ???

So just over 12 months ago I heard that I had a place in The London Marathon 2022 for Bowelcanceruk. Must admit I just thought – Yeah that’s good a few months of running occasionally and ‘job’s a good ‘un’ I then heard from Bowel Cancer that the Marathon had been put back to October 2022 instead of April 2022 and was that still ok ? “Mmmmmm now let me think about that one – not sure if Im doing something then ! ” Yeah ok that’s fine – after all it gives me more time to train; and even more time to put off training. !!! So back last October I started to go to Parkruns on Saturday more regularly – not every week you understand – don’t want to overdo it !! Probably twice or three times a month.

Comments were coming in saying ” Hows the training plan coming on ? ” ” How often are you running?”

Training plan – mmmmm I must get one of those ! ………. ‘Great thanks – Yeah really good. Doing bits and pieces. Fit the runs in when I can.’ – which really meant once a week ish ! I put my Just Giving page up justgiving/fundraising/mikebarnes3 and I quite cheerfully agreed to raising £2,500 but as the date got closer, I started to fear that I wouldn’t make it. I needn’t have worried as friends and family soon began to donate. To be honest, I think it was more in remembrance of Laura’s inspiration than for my attempt, but I can live with that!  I must admit I was overwhelmed by the generosity of friends and family – just amazing – so in case I forget in all these ramblings – THANK YOU SO MUCH for your generosity and beautiful words.

So Id put on my running kit – bought for me by my 2 daughters for my birthday cos they said I needed ‘proper kit!’ and off I’d go round the block, which in itself was quite strenuous so i really felt I was training. I’d got my Bowel Cancer vest and i was running – sorted !

I, of course, didn’t change my diet or alcohol input ( not that it was excessive you understand just once every now and then) – or anything really. So from May onwards I would go out probably about once a week, as well as a park run and feel “it’s a long way off really”

‘How are you doing with your training?’ – “Yeah good thanks – mine’s a pint and a bowl of chips !”

In July I accepted the invite to a training session at Bowel Cancer UK offices in London, noticing that there was a half marathon around Richmond Park on the Sunday – What could go wrong ? Great idea ! So I signed up for the Richmond Park half marathon. How was I to know that this weekend would be the hottest weekend on record !!!! Training session was excellent – of course

Airbnb booked right next to the park – Arrived at the Airbnb Saturday night – hottest day ever – in the smallest room ever- with the smallest bed ever ! Checked out the course – quick call into the pub – job’s a good’en ! Up early, no breakfast – oops, and walked to the park.Arrived at the course with the rest of the runners that looked like they all belonged to an 18 – 35 club ! Advice from home – “Look out for someone else with grey hair and follow ( note the positivity – not run ‘with’ but ‘follow’ them). There wasn’t anyone with grey hair ! In fact they all had only just left high school ! And it was getting very warm – in fact it was b***** hot ! Of course it didn’t help when I fell over a tree root and went sprawling; cutting my elbow, my knee and bruising my chin ! “Are you ok ?” asked the youths of Richmond Park gathered around me with a look on their faces of extreme pity and thoughts such as “Should this old man really be running?” “I’m fine thanks but thanks for stopping; I’ll see you at the finish !” I said laughing and grimacing at the same time.

At the end of the second lap, it was now evident that this was one of the hottest days ever in the history of the world ! and I was absolutely done in ! “You can just finish now if you want to and go to First Aid.” said the marshal at the end of the second lap, “Are you ok?” – “I’m fine but no thanks I’ll finish the run first” I replied again with a speck of optimism and blood dripping down my arm. To say I struggled after the second time round the park some 14 km, would be an understatement and Id still got a lap to go.

The third lap was really interesting as it was a bit of a race between me and the marshals clearing all the barriers and bollards away over who was going to get to the finish first !

I think they won !

Anyway finish I did ! – Go to the first aid tent I did! – Dehydrated I was ! But I did get the highly prized accolade of coming first in my age category ………………. – stop it !!!!!! Oh alright then I was the only one !

You really don’t want to see what I looked like – haha

Lesson learned – I need to start taking this a little bit more seriously – food, drink, refreshments, life style – Oh my goodness my body will not know what’s hit it , after years of no breakfasts, chip suppers, beer, and late nights ! (Sounds worse than it was but you get the drift !) Still it had to be done !

Looking forward to the new life style and The Big Half Marathon in London – surely, surely, it’ll be fine – I mean what could possibly go wrong ??

Me and my “thingy”.

Well, not the most prolific writer of blogs or manuscripts but as Im paying an exorbitant amount of money (not really !) to host this blog I thought that I should really keep on writing. I’ve made a New Year’s resolution to try and write something monthly – what do you mean I’m a month late – I’m never late : well hardly ever; maybe now and then ; ok well I’m trying!

Most of what I write will be absolute dribble! Any resemblance to any persons or places is totally deliberate and totally accurate .

You may or may not know, that I currently volunteer for the North West Ambulance Service and their Patient Transport Service. I’ve done it for about 2 years now and really love it. I get to take all sorts of people, young and old, both to hospital appointments and pick-up patients from hospitals and take them to their homes. Well that’s the theory and so far it’s worked well. Although I always do live in fear of dropping a patient off at the wrong house; road; town or city. I can just hear this voice from the back of the car saying, – “Err excuse me but I don’t live in Burnley I come from Leeds !” as I stop outside totally the wrong house in the wrong town ! Anyway I digress as they say.

Last Monday seemed to be pretty much a normal volunteering day, a few trips to Manchester Infirmary, ( for those of you in far flung continents this is about 40 miles away), Royal Preston Hospital, journeys back to Blackpool, Fleetwood, and Preston. At 12:15 taking a patient to Manchester Infirmary, busy talking –

“What time did you start?”

“Bit cold out today!”;

“Have you been on long?”

“When do you finish”

“Have you always lived in Lancashire?”

“Is this the entrance you go in?”

I momentarily glance across to the numerous entrances whilst going round a very small roundabout. Well I thought it was a small roundabout. I didn’t realise that small roundabouts have high kerbs !! – Patient says, “What was that ?” as the car made quite a loud noise. “Oh sorry I just went over the kerb a little, it’s fine!” I dropped said patient off right outside the doors of the hospital; cleaned and wiped interior of car ready for the next patient. As I pulled away from the entrance, I thought that the steering was a little stiff so pulled into a row of parked cars. Got out of the car and saw that my front driver’s side tyre was completely flat.

…………….. Must have burst when I just ‘nudged’ the roundabout ! It was then that I remembered 3 days earlier having a new tyre fitted at a local garage, and the mechanic giving me back my “wheel locking tool thingy” for the wheel nut.

Wheel locking nut thingy

I distinctly remember putting the wheel locking nut thingy in my coat so I wouldn’t lose it. I couldn’t put it back in its place as he was putting the tyre on. My problem was that I wasn’t wearing the same coat.

I was wearing my standard issue North West Ambulance jacket which clearly didn’t have the “special thingy” for getting the wheel nut off. However, all was not lost. As I looked around me, I noticed that right next to me was a car that was the same make and model as mine. Thoughts – ‘If I stay here, in the 30 minute drop off zone, this person will return and maybe, just maybe his ‘thingy for getting wheel nuts off’ will be the same as mine ! – Sorted ! Happy Days.

Whilst waiting I decided to just look in the boot. I lifted the floor of the boot up so I could see the spare tyre and tools. ………………………… I literally ran my hand round the empty well where the spare tyre should have been to just check that my eyes hadn’t been deceived. I did think to myself , “Why am I running my hand around this empty well where the tyre should be?” I have known for many years now that cars just don’t come with spare tyres !!!

So after much berating oneself I called the AA –

“We are very sorry but we are experiencing a high volume of calls so we may take longer to respond ” and explained where I was and the issue.

“We will be with you in the next 2 hours.”

I called home and explained the issue – “No I have no idea how it burst – it must have just been one of those things !!!”

“Would you like me to bring the ‘wheel locking nut thingy’ – “No it’ll be fine, I’m sure they can do it.”

Sat waiting in the 30 minutes drop off zone outside the hospital when the car park attendant came along and said you can’t park there and you’ve been here longer than 30 minutes. We had a pleasant conversation where I explained to the gentleman that although I would love to move I was a little restricted in my movement at the moment due to the fact that I had one tyre that was flatter than the plains of Saskatchewan – not that I’ve ever seen them but I imagine they are relatively flat!

“Well dont be too long!”

“I’ll try not to be, sir!” ………….

AA man calls, – “Where are you exactly?” I guide him in like a homing missile and manage to block the entrances to the hospital for taxis, patients, and ambulances while I am slowly winched on to the back of the wagon. I stand and watch, in between apologising profusely to all and sundry as they endeavour to get pass the AA break down truck.

“Where would you like to go?”

“Well I’d quite like to go to one of those garages that does tyres ”

After ringing around several tyre companies finally find one in Oldham, so off we go. We arrive at the ‘tyre garage’ and the car rolls off the transporter. By this time it is quite cold and of course as my family will tell you I don’t generally wrap up warm ( as my granny used to say !) Well in my defence I did think I would be sitting in the car for most of the day !

I drive slowly across to the garage; park the car in the waiting area and speak to the guy in charge:

“You couldn’t have come at a worse time. We are really busy and have a lot of cars booked in so it’ll be the end of the day before we can get to you.”

“That’s fine no worries.”

So I sit and wait. 1 hour………… 2hours………… and then as he was walking past I just happen to nonchalantly say, “I’m sure it doesnt matter but i havent got that “wheel locking thingy lock”. The response was like Hamlet discovering he had killed Polonius through the arras.

…………… Quick phone call home – “Errr you know that “wheel locking nut thingy” that’s in my coat pocket you couldn’t bring it to me could you. It’s only about an hour and a bit drive !”

Suffice it to say ‘the wheel locking nut thingy” was brought (thank you so so much – !) and given to a very frozen person sitting in the car. Another short wait and it was my turn. The obligatory response,

“You really need a new tyre on the other side as well”

“Just do it!”

After a long wait while the new tyres were put on and a long drive I finally arrived home.

Moral of the story: Wear a coat; marry someone who doesnt mind driving, and always carry your “thingy’ with you.

Im not sure whether procrastination is a good thing or not !

Since yesterday I’ve been ‘umming’ and ‘ahhring’ about whether to write this or not. Not only that but wondering where to write it as well ! Instagram?, Laura’s blog? Mine ? And as Sunday was Mother’s day Laura was very much in our minds, so thought on Laura’s blog it would be more appropriate.  Started it and then changed my mind as I thought I should really use mine as it has stood idle for almost two years.  And then I thought id go and make myself a cup of coffee while I thought about it !  A week later, coffees gone cold and still couldnt really decide ……  So kettles on and here goes  So whats prompted me to write …… well a number of factors but I guess mainly one.  Im in the process of transcribing Laura’s blog into a book.

In doing this, I of course have had to read every word she wrote, which obviously I had done previously ( honestly Laura I did !) but in doing this I absolutely realised that there were so many thoughts and words that she used that were so brilliantly crafted that I couldnt really compete with.  All I can do is recreate them word for word in a book, which hopefully will happen fairly soon if I can stop procrastinating over what else needs to be put into the book but I digress !

Another prompt has been that as last Sunday was Mothers Day, we really wanted to mark it in some way or other. So we decided to get 3 helium ballons and would take them up to Laura  ( why do I find it hard to say ‘grave’ ??)  and place them on 3 plant baskets.  The image that was in our minds were three helium ballons just standing perfectly upright looking very symmetrical attached to the three plant baskets. However, when we went up there, it was blowing a ‘hooley’ (is that how you say it ? ) and it was difficult enough to anchor the balloons down let alone position them so that they stood beautifully upright, as the picture will testify.  But you kindof get the picture as Im sure Laura did .

Then of course because of current circumstances we havent seen  Sophie, Naomi and Heidi for a week now, although last Thursday we did sneak onto Mark’s drive and sing Happy Birthday from the required distance of course.  We did have the twins a week last Wedndesday when we went for an explore into the woods.  Their smelling of flowers has long been a fascination and was just one of the many memories of Laura’s encouragement to them.

 

Two other happenings or as Laura would have said ‘God instances” happened.  Just standing in our Dining room and not doing anything in particular.  Just looking out of the window and thinking about nothing.  Well nothing I’d admit to anyway ! and watching people go past in their “once only daily excursion”, I just turned round and just looked at the wall facing me.

Captured on that wall are just so many memories and recollections. Before partners arrived on the scene, there was always an argument between the 3 girls over who had the most number of photos up !!! And obviously I couldn’t comment ! ( emoji of monkey with hands over mouth ) Now with partners and grandchildren we just need a bigger wall ! A long time ago when Julia and I were babysitting for others, we used to comment on how many photos they had up of their family and say how weird is that ! They must be very narcissistic !  Well I now know why ! Each one of the photos tells a very special story and I must admit I can just stand and look at them for a long time and just “think!” and say thank you .

 

The other thing that has happened and I kind of already knew it, but it’s just become even clearer now.  That is how amazingly kind, supportive, generous and and just generally lovely people are.  At the very end of last week, I ventured into a friend’s shop to just say Hi ,really, and see how she was getting on.  She then proceeded to give me a present which she had been keeping to give to us.  It was a ‘salt lamp angel’ which now sits in pride of place at home.  A gift which epitomises the generosity of people.  Thank you Helen, as ever – amazing .

This week has been very strange with everything going on but in some ways, probably partially due to technology, it feels that through the medium of Zoom, House Party, Whatsapp etc etc I actually feel closer to people, have spoken more to people  and have seen more people.   It is just amazing.  Never underestimate the value of friendship.  I know it is an overused expression but as long as we’ve got each other then the way of getting through all this is made that much easier.  Please dont stop.  Your value and friendship is immeasurable.

Even trying to write this blog, which I must admit I have been putting off – “What ?” “You put something off !”  “Surely not!” “I cant believe that !” Because as I was trying to work out how to change my blog from my Malawian adventures to a more generic “Musings and thoughts” and because I havent been on here for a while I’d forgotten what to do ! Yes I know that’s difficult to comprehend ! But I was getting increasingly frustrated and even went downstairs and said,  “I CANT DO THIS!” When unbeknown to me, my dreadful attempts at trying to sort it out were actually going out live, and even when I was in the middle of trying to sort it out I was getting comments from people saying “You can do it!” “Go for it!”  It was like having that little person in your head saying,  ‘Dont give up ‘! So thank you for that.  As the saying goes – You know who you are haha .  Hopefully the book is on its way!

In the words oIf Laura, “You all make me smile and I can’t wait to build more memories with you all in the many years ahead…Check in with friends”.

Chance of a Lifetime -Last Chapter of Mikes Mad Malawian Idea

Twelve months of living in a totally different environment, culture, existence – you name it, it’s very different.  Those twelve months have come to an end. Just far far too many things to remember and experiences that have happened. But of course although the country may be beautiful it’s the people that make it.  And I have met some amazing people over the last twelve months.

Most of them belong to the “school environment” but there have been other chance encounters with others as I sit drinking in a bar or on a beach or even just walking down the road – the plumber, the builder, the mechanic, the fisherman.

 

 

 

All wanting to talk and make friends, – “Will you be my uncle?” “Can I be your friend” and of course the classic “Give me money”  But even this is not done in any aggressive way but more with a smile on the face and a cheeky grin.

 

I don’t believe they actually think you will give them money but its more a greeting than anything else. I often suggested that just this once…….  maybe ……… possibly ……… the Malawian could give the Mzungu some money for a change.  This generally brought great guffaws of laughter and a high five – which invariably I missed! and felt rather silly trying to do it 5 seconds after their hand had gone down !

Looking back through my blogs many of them centre around my journeys to and from places; to the schools of course; to trainings of teachers and Head Teachers, to beaches at the side of the lake, down paths that you really don’t think a motor bike should go let alone a car; up hills that are incredibly steep yet unbelievably people are pushing bikes that are over ladened with enormous bags of charcoal or wood; ladies walking absolutely upright carrying enormous loads of wood or straw on their heads, well over their actually height in length. ( Does that make sense – just very very long pieces of wood !)

Sweat pouring down their faces in the heat of the day.  They do this journey every day, either to sell at the local trading centre, or to their village, or just to sell anywhere!  And every single one of them has a smile on their face.  As you go past either on the bike or the car a raised hand to say hello and a smile always gets a hugely positive reply.

Occasionally and very occasionally you can be going along a path or track and there is no one around…… or so it seems!   But come off your bike ( accidentally) or have a puncture or get stuck in the mud with the car wheels spinning and suddenly when you look up there is a sea of faces!  Where they come from I have no idea. They just appear as if they have been waiting every day for me to come off !!!

 

They just appear from nowhere, and rather than stand and just look, they desperately want to help, to get you sorted in whatever way they can.  They appear magically with the right size spanner to take a wheel off to mend a puncture or straighten a stand.  I did say to one –

 

“Where did that spanner just come from?”  and they just laugh and wink And again always with a huge smile and a tremendous willingness to help.

For the last few days of course I have been visiting the schools, both to say goodbye as well as to check that they are all up and running with the technology and the software.

 

Just 3 of my schools

 

 

 

Despite going to these schools over and over again I always just stand in amazement at just how many Learners are at the schools,literally thousands ………. both inside the classrooms and outside. How few physical classrooms there are. How open the spaces are all around the school. How magnificent the scenery is. How welcoming everyone is to see you.

As you arrive at the school, if you are lucky its directly off “the tarmac”, but many of my schools are along very dusty/muddy (depending on season – wet or dry!) tracks.

Many of these paths go through small trading centres or villages, where everyone stops and watches as you go past.

 

Every time I went through here I just thought it was the set for a “Western” !  Sorry it’s just my strange thought processes

 

The ladies sit on the ground with their tomatoes neatly piled in pyramid shapes on a maize bag, potatoes neatly stacked in small metal buckets that are over flowing with a pyramid shape of potatoes, maize laid neatly like a white carpet drying off in the sun, wooden stalls where vegetables are on display. Women at the water pump which clearly is the meeting place to chat and talk about the recent happenings.  And the ever present shelter made from sticks and straw where the local males congregate to sit and chat, mending bicycles and playing Bao ( a great game played on a wooden board with large hard seeds amazing for maths which probably accounts for why Im rubbish at it ! ) . Everyone watches as you go past, many wave and smile. ……..  Id love to know if they are the same people I pass every time and they recognise me, saying – “Hello here he comes again! ”  ………..I kind of hope they do

You drive/ride into the school and never quite sure where to go as obviously there is no car park ! You just drive literally between the learners who again just stand very still and watch.  You drive close to one of the classrooms or the Learning Centre, hoping that the door and burglar bars that protect the centre are open.  Usually a good sign is if there is a chair outside with a bucket of water outside.
This is for the learners to wash their hands before entering the centre and using the iPads. As you walk into the centre the Learners are in rows sat on wicker mats.  Each one with their iPad and headphones, working through the Masamu (Maths) App or the Chichewa (Language) App.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The teacher walks around the Learners just observing, occasionally talking to a Learner what to do or what not to do.  When I say ‘talk’ thats really a euphemism for  “shout”.  Now thats in the nicest possible way. I’ve told all the teachers this and so its nothing they don’t know.  Malawian teachers are really good at shouting. Thats not shouting because they are cross or angry ( as in a UK teacher shouting at a child within 30 cms of their face, which would produce a crying child in no time at all) but in Malawi they do that to explain what the learner should be doing.  And amazingly the Learner sits …… listens …. and does exactly what they should do………. without batting an eyelid or showing any emotion at all ! I have a theory that they do this because of the class sizes of 200+ and this is really the only way to communicate.  I have tried to get them to just go up and explain in a quiet way what the learner should be doing, but it may last for 2 minutes and then reverts again to “the shout” However, both parties seem perfectly content with this arrangements and the Learners are queuing up at the door to have their go !

 

The Learners iPads are effectively controlled by the teachers iPad The Learners sit with a screen that displays a lock.  The teacher starts the session and the lock disappears and the Learners can begin the session. Usually after 20  minutes ( however long the teacher has set the session for ) the Learners iPad will again display a lock and their session is over.

 

 

 

 

 

Now for the majority of the Unlocking Talent project schools throughout Malawi, (some 130 at present)  the iPads are locked down to just Masamu and Chichewa, but not Mangochi District ………. mine !

 

 

Why because I like to make things difficult for myself as always !!!! Why I have no idea  I think its a self-destruct button The iPads being open also at the request of the Donor – Unicef – but nobody else did it ! See I just like to make things difficult  I must learn the words “No …… It’s too difficult”!

The reason for having an “open” iPad  is it gives the Learners( and Teachers)  the ability to use other Apps. ………provided they don’t need connectivity ! With the iPad being locked to just 1 App, however good the 1 App is and it is excellent for Maths and Language, we are only using a small fraction of the power of the iPad. My schools have used an English Grammar App that exactly mirrors the final exams that Standard 8 Learners have to take………  to great effect with some amazing results.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’ve also added some Role Model Videos of Malawian Women who are working in important jobs despite many problems whilst growing up.  These videos can be watched by older girls to try to show them that Girls/Women can actually achieve great things through staying on at school.

The use of the Notes for Learners to use the keyboard …… something which they don’t encounter – punctuation, space bar, delete buttons all things they haven’t seen before. Insert images, video, text to be shared amongst the iPads

The Coordinators of each of the schools have learned the technicalities of the iPad and can transfer files, images and documents amongst the iPads to be viewed by the Learners. In this way not only are we giving Learners knowledge but also giving Teachers technological knowledge of the use of mobile devices.  Something which gives them huge enthusiasm and great excitement  …….. it does me as well They love learning how to use the technology. Ive trained, Teachers, Head Teachers, Inspectors, Advisers …… all of whom have shown a real enthusiasm for the tool and can see the huge potential – tip of the iceberg comes to mind.

The potential of the project Unlocking Talent is enormous.  Sadly sometimes the organisation and project management can hinder rather than advance the project.  But I guess that’s true of many projects.  Education Specialist Volunteers, like myself,  carry out many activities and supported by good organisational management the results are indeed amazing.  Of course there are frustrations, but then you have to continually remind yourself that you are working in an African Country that is one of the poorest in the world. And the vast majority of Malawians really want their country to achieve and improve ……… this is particularly true of the dedicated group of teachers and Head Teachers with whom I have been working.

I could go on and on about the special moments that I have enjoyed during the last 12 months  ……….. “No please don’t !” i hear you say and for those of you who have already stopped reading  ……… well you haven’t got this far anyway !   Amongst many of the images that I have in my head of my experiences, there are 2 that stand out.  One i have a photo of and the other I follow the advice of many people who say – put the mobile/camera away and just enjoy the experience …………

Ive mentioned about when you go into the Learning centres all the Learners are sat on mats with their iPads  If all is good the teacher is walking around checking that the iPads are working and the Learners aren’t stuck on something.  Sometimes because the App is an individualised program the Learners just work their way through the program with no need for help from the teacher (or at least that’s the perception of the teacher).  As a result the teacher sits down somewhere and has a rest or secretly goes on their mobile and sends texts ( shhhhhhhhhhh don’t tell anyone !)

But occasionally you witness something very special.  

I recently saw this teacher in the photograph get down to the Learner, who had special needs and spend at least 15 minutes on supporting him.  This would be impossible within the teachers classroom setting of 200+ learners in a pretty small classroom with very limited resources – certainly no time for 1:1

 

 

But here was the teacher spending time with an individual guiding them through the knowledge needed ………… nothing to do with technology but about advancing the Learners understanding of very simple basics of number.  In the classroom this Learner would have struggled.  The technology supported the learning of the child.  To those who say why use technology when the country needs so much else …………… this is why technology is so important …….. it literally empowers the learner – not technological empowerment but Knowledge and skills empowerment so important for individuals growing up as well as the future of Malawi.

The other image of course is related to a journey.  You wouldn’t expect anything else ! It was a Friday and the area I work in is mainly Muslim.  This particular Friday was Eid al-Fitr  All schools and public offices were closed.  It was a National Holiday.  But of course there were things I needed to do in a school so I arranged with the school, Mdinde school, to meet a teacher and adapt some iPads that weren’t particularly behaving. I visited the school, sorted out the iPads and commenced my return journey.  This journey took me on one of the most difficult tracks that i journey along – in the rainy season its just mud and extremely slippy and in the Dry season its just pure sand and extremely slippy.

 

Fortunately i was in my car as this is the track where on several occasions on my bike the ground has come up to meet me, and Malawians appear to assist.  As Im driving along the track taking care as even in a car the sand doesn’t make it easy to drive, I see ahead a large group of women coming towards me.  Effectively blocking the road, dancing and singing at the tops of their voices.  I slowed down and hadn’t got a clue what to do.  As they got to the car ……..  to use a biblical expression they parted like the waters of the Red Sea and just continued around the car.  I was surrounded by approximately 500 women just singing, dancing, smiling, waving, laughing …………. I just sat in the car inanely smiling back at them and returning their waves.  By this time I had completely stopped.  After what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes, the whole entourage carried on its way down the track, singing, dancing, smiling, waving high fiving, waving flags whilst I sat now on my own in the car and just went

” Wow!” This was their way of celebrating Eid.  An amazing event.

I carried on along the track only to see in the distance another group of women from the next village.  This group seemed slightly larger than the last one.  Forewarned about what was to happen I pulled the car over to the side of the track and waited for the swarm to approach.  On they came all wearing amazingly bright coloured Chitenjes (rectangular cloth wrapped around their body ) singing, dancing, waving flags, laughing, smiling, waving flags.  As they surrounded the car yet again many clearly wanted to high five me as they went past.  I started to move a bit like “dad dancing” as I sat in the car.  Many of the women noticed and applauded – Im sure not for my dad dancing but for sort of joining in with their celebration.  At this point I think I must have been caught up in the moment and throwing all caution to the wind – as you do when faced with a situation such as this !  I opened my car door and joined them in their procession, singing, dancing smiling, and laughing.  There was I surrounded by more than 500 women in one of the most rural parts of Malawi, dancing ( well just jigging a bit if i was honest)  ……… well known for my previous dancing exploits and severely embarrassing my off spring on many occasions, “Dad,  just stop !”….

I put all they had taught me and “Dad danced” all the way down the track with more than 500 women. Huge howls of laughter went up, cheering and just sheer pleasure, from both 500 women and myself ………… is this a Guinness book of records – hahahah.

It was a moment that just didn’t warrant taking out my mobile to record ……. it was indeed a “just live for the moment” experience.  After a while they continued on their way and I had a long but fantastic walk back to my car. …….. still ‘Dad dancing’ !

As some would say “A Chance of a Lifetime”

Why did I get out of the car and join in …………  ” Carpe Diem ”

 

And while Ive been out here i have had so many “Chances of a Lifetime” Every moment, every chance  has been amazing.   ……………. But I couldn’t have done it and remained sane without my truly amazing family and friends who have kept in touch and given me so much encouragement over the last 12 months.  To all of you I say a huge

THANK YOU – THANK YOU SO SO MUCH

Zikomo kwambiri

Will this be the last blog ?

I’m back – but not for long ! Whats been happening ?

To be absolutely honest Im not sure how to start this blog and definitely don’t know how to end it !  The middle is looking a bit doubtful as well.  You’ve had a gap of almost 2 and a half months without having to put yourself through this drivel ( is that right or is it “drivle” or “dribble” or “dibble” – no definitely not that ‘cos he was an officer of the law – Officer Charlie Dibble, Top Cat, Spook, Benny the Ball, Choo Choo, The Brain, Spook, Fancy-Fancy – how sad am I   and I can picture them as well !!!!! !) Anyway I digress. Parts of this Im going to only touch on briefly and parts Im going to expand upon – I’ll probably get it the wrong way round but hey story of my life!

Some of you may wonder why I haven’t written this driv……. rubbish for such a while.  Well back in April I had to unexpectedly fly back home due to a health issue to Laura,  eldest daughter  or as they would say out here in Malawi – my first born !  This is the bit that Im going to briefly mention.  Suffice it to say that she is an amazing person and someone that I know all of us are truly truly proud of.  She is currently undergoing treatment and has such a positive spirit that it just blows us all away!

 

 

Love her  My first born with her third born – I think or it could be the second born by a couple of minutes !  Ill get it right which is which one day !

 

 

Anyway moving on swiftly ………… after lots of discussions I returned a couple of weeks ago to Malawi to see the rest of my time out and to complete all the necessary tasks that one has to do before leaving a country that they’ve lived in for 12 months -like selling a car ( now that really is a whole blog in itself and even I would fall asleep if I went through that one !; getting police clearance to leave; packing all the things that you left behind previously;  doing all the things that you had 12 months to do them in but for some reason you leave it till the last 2 weeks and then you can’t fit them all in; ( or is that just me and my procrastination – world champion at that for the last 20 years running !); and of course seeing all the people that have been so much a part of a very strange life for the last 12 months.

 

And return I did to complete my final 4 weeks in Malawi. I arrived to a much colder than I remembered Malawi and of course didn’t pack any jumpers as such – strange how you remember it being hot as its Africa when in reality its flipping cold in their winter – like now – particularly in the evenings.  But never mind Id soon be away from the coldness of the capital, Lilongwe to the warmer climes of Mangochi and the Lake.

Well I needn’t have worried about not packing a jumper as my bag didn’t arrive at the same time as I did. Readers of previous blogs know that this is becoming a habit of watching lots of brightly coloured bags going round and round until you’re just  left standing just watching a moving belt with just one pink bag that just keeps going round and round.  It’s not yours but you’re the only person standing watching it.  

Strangely I even took a photograph of my bag before I left the Uk – weird thing to do have a bag selfie ! but it came in very useful when trying to describe my bag to a Malawian official who was clearly at the end of his shift – I mean it wasn’t his fault ! and he didn’t speak much english – I mean why should he !  So with very small rucksack and just the clothes I travelled in I spend the next few days waiting patiently for the phone call – “Your bag has arrived” ! yeeeee ………….

On the getting to the warmer climate in Mangochi that didn’t go so well either as the powers that be found it difficult to arrange transport for me so that I could actually start doing what i was supposed to do ( my car having practically blown up on my journey to the airport in April – well nobody told me you had to put water in it ! )

Well after kicking my heels for a week in the capital, taking in a few “greens” and listening to some pretty cool jazz in a very un-Malawian bar , transport was finally arranged and I arrived to do what I had come to do but now all I had left was just under 3 weeks. So off I set ………

Up bright and early to get an early start.    Sit on the bike first thing in the morning (about 6:30) probably not quite awake and attempt to kick start it. Nothing happens. No life at all.  After many attempts still no life.  Then my friendly guard says,

” Petrol ?”

“Of course I’ve got p…….”  mmmm maybe not.  Shake the tank and not a lot of sloshing about of petrol !!!  Why dont Bikes have petrol gauges ???  Right so off I go with my empty plastic 2 litre Ginger beer bottle and start to walk to the garage but they call it a filling station which is probably more accurate description………’cos thats what they do ….. fill……. that is when they have petrol which isn’t always certain by any means. And to b e fair they always clean your windscreen as well.  Starting to walk to the filling station I spy a passing “Njinga” thats a bicycle taxi to you and me. ( I think thats how you spell it ) N is silent as the p in swimming – ( the old ones are the best !)

“Eeeway” I shout   ( and thats definitely not how you spell it but it could be sounded out properly by an average Yr1 pupil ready to do his/her Phonics test of made up words !)  Actually it’s “Ewa” A quick translation from the Chichewa is  “Oi You”  Often used to young Learners when they are maybe doing something they shouldn’t !   He stops of course and waits for me to catch him up.  “Filling station” I say He looks at me like Ive just asked him to be my get away driver from a bank robbery !   “Its that direction” I say  He replies with a nod.  On the back I get clutching my plastic 2Litre Ginger beer bottle.

 

Well its no longer rainy season but the dry season and what Ive noticed is that they attempt to fill all the ruts that have been made in the rainy season with sand so that it sort of smooths out the road

Which is all well and good if you’re walking, and even if you’re good bicycle rider on your own.  But given a novice rider with a passenger on the back ( clutching his 2Litre Plastic Ginger Beer bottle ) and it makes things very difficult. The first hint of this was when I sat on the back and the front wheel reared up like it was saying ” right lets go”  This brought wry smiles from other passing Jingas, and I wasn’t sure if it was my fault for sitting too far back or the novice Jinga cyclist for not putting down pressure on the handle bars.  Well off we set.   We made about 10 yards I would say before the bike sort of skids from side to side in the sand coming to a grinding halt. We both kept our footing but as my Jinga turned around  the look on his face sort of said ” well you get off and walk and I’ll push the bike”.  I dutifully did so. We walked about 50 yards together like this.  The thought did cross my mind that I was actually paying for walking alongside a bicycle that was meant to be giving me a lift – clever !

dav

After the 50 yards I mounted again and with a certain uncertainty we started off again , only to come to a halt some 50 yards further down the road.  The process repeated itself several times until we crossed the tarmac.  This was also done with a certain amount of trepidation as you can imagine.  Picture the scene over 100 bicycles coming along the road, both ways,  and you have to cross this road to get to the path on the other side.  In a car its difficult, on a motor bike its difficult, on a bicycle on your own its pretty difficult to judge it, but on a bicycle with a passenger on the back it take s a while to get up a head of steam, and by the time you start moving the gap you were aiming for has gone.   I was going to suggest that I got off and crossed the road on foot and met him on the other side, but as I had already walked half the distance I thought Id get my moneys worth. A couple of times his front wheel clipped passing Jingas who gave him looks which suggested ” Amateur or Novice” But eventually as we got to the other side my Jinga was heard to say in a very Malawian accent, ” Don’t worry about a thing”.  I did think he was going to burst into a Bob Marley number  but I merely responded with – “Me worried ; Nooooo” At this point he stopped, turned to me and said that we had run out of road.  What he meant was that he didn’t know the way.  So not only was I walking half the way I now how to direct him to the filling station.  Mission accomplished and now a full 2Litre plastic Ginger Beer bottle filled with petrol …… what do you mean unsafe ……… noooooo 😉

Hurriedly putting the petrol into the bike as by this time I WAS LATE  – I know thats difficult to uinderstand of me but occasionally it happens !  Bike starts beautifully once it has petrol.

Now the sharp eyed amongst you will have noticed that on my motor bike there are two stands for two wing mirrors but only one wing mirror.  This is because when the dirt tracks and myself meet, the wing mirror is one of the first things to get damaged.  And to only have one wing mirror is a disadvantage to say the least, particularly when passing goats and cows who suddenlt decide to change direction.  The cost of a wing mirror in Malawi is 30,000 Kwacha ( or so my guard told me – hmmmmm)  which is approximately £30, thats because you cant buy one.  Well not wishing to spend that I sourced some Malawian Super Glue which is said would hold 3 ton !  Should do the trick nicely, spending all evening gluing the mirror back on.  Success, in the morning I checked and it seemed to have done the trick. So Bike full of petrol, two wing mirrors  – sorted

After about 10 minutes the wing mirror falls off ! Clearly Malawian Super glue is not that super and may not even be glue ! The rest of the day is mono-mirror and to be honest the rest of my time in Malawi ! But it does make a great Helmet stand though

Then after a few minutes came across this scene which I have now learned to my cost that you take seriously.  What has happened is a bag of grain has fallen off either a wagon or a Njinga ( and you now know how to say it ) and spilt across the road.  The first time I saw it, I wasn’t sure what to do so just drove careful through it – followed by a crowd of irate Malawians chasing after me !   I thought that they would just dispose of it but of course they don’t  All the traffic stops and everyone lends a hand to sweep up the grain and re bag it – Nothing is ever thrown away in Malawi – the ultimate recycling – use and re-use and re-use and re-use.  What you dont do is drive through it   You just wait until every grain is swept up and I mean every grain !

So not the best start to my return, with baggage, no car, delay in arriving in Mangochi, no petrol,  no wing mirror and late ! but undeterred I carry on to visit my first school.  And that is actually, as the say,  where the day turns around.  I walk in though the door of the Learning Centre and see 30 Learners so intent on their work on their iPads that they dont look up, ( well a few might !) they just carry on with what they are doing.

 

The teacher just quietly walking amongst them, supporting here and there. A scene of absolute focussed on-task learning. Ofsted “Outstanding” !  Ouch did I really say that word!  You may ask what are the curtains for – i’s a school initiative and I’ll let you guess – tell you in the next blog – hehe

 

You may say well thats exactly how it should be, but this is a million miles away from a typical Malawian classroom of 250 Standard 2 Learners ( 7 year olds in general but some or even many are not !) with a teacher teaching at the front or even sitting at the front. And in many circumstances in their classroom which is a tree

 

 

 

And to cap the day off as I drive into my compound these three cheeky girls say the usual Malawian expression -“Hi How are you/ Very Well thank you ! ”  and

I nearly fall off my bike laughing

I have briefly mentioned in a previous blog the sort of things that I’m involved in while in Malawi, but I feel its worth a separate blog, Head Teacher training, Teacher training, setting up Learning Centres, Supporting the use of Learning Centres,  Inspector training and PEA training – what’s a PEA I hear you ask, well it doesn’t come in a pod ! .  And with less than 2 weeks before departing back to the UK and boring everyone with my exploits ( free bookings taken for schools of course ! – seriously) thats I challenge that I will accept

Driving, Drinking and Bollards

I’m still here !!!

How time flies !  Every morning when I get up I say I’m really going to write something, and every evening when I get home I think – definitely tomorrow – Procrastination love it !   Done it all my life why should I stop now ! The only trouble is it doesnt get things done ! So it was a toss up – should i stay in and write a blog piece or just go to the local bar and have a drink.  Well as you can see the blog won.  Now if the bar had have won let me try to explain what its like. Im not sure I have any photographs of it, so here goes.

First of all its on the main tarmac road of Mangochi. In the picture its just behind the tree, which I agree is a bit rubbish but its the only one I have, so hopefully you get the picture – (no pun intended but if you want it you can have it !)

It is just by 2 excessive speed bumps.  And when I say excessive I mean huge !

On all the roads there are speed bumps which are preceded by rumble strips, generally 3 sets  but occasionally 4 sets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The picture is a typical Trading Centre.  If you look carefully you can see the rumble strips. Trying to negotiate the “Rumbles’ at the same time as the people is not an easy task – and try doing it at night when there is no light whatsoever !

The cars, and they are mainly public transport mini buses or trucks laden with bags, sacks and people, slow down at these rubble strips at a quite ridiculous pace. They almost come to a halt, as you go over each rumble at slower than walking pace.  This results in you feeling every rumble as you go over each one.  Now my philosophy is if you go over them a little faster you could get the bump all at once. But I guess the Malawian mini buses know what they are doing as they look at me aghast as I take the whole set of strips at running pace !   These strips are before every town and trading centre, after every town and training centre , and in every town and trading centre – Get the gist – there are a lot of them, and when you go over them on the motor bike thats another story.

Then of course there are the Speed humps which really are vicious, and the good old Mini-bus drivers slow down even more, almost where the passengers have to get out and push the minibus over the hump.  But having said that I have met a few too many humps at probably a greater speed than I should and thought …….. Oh No ……… but its too late now as my front wheels take off and the contents of the car end up on the floor and again when on the motor bike its generally a shout of  “Geronimo !”

 

I digress ……….. as ever …….The bar  as I said is situated on the main tarmac road    Its called Sun City ‘ with Peace and Love Bottle store next door ……… 

Its a room that you never really go into. Well I have seen one or two disappear into there but you never see them come out again !   You sit outside on plastic chairs that have a tendency to have a broken leg so that when you sit on it the fourth leg tends to spray out and it feels like you are like a baby giraffe with its legs sprayed out .  To over come this the bar staff, who wait on outside and give you one of these seats to sit on, generally as soon as you sit down give you a second chair to place over the first chair to sit on which if you’re lucky has a different leg that is broken so that you can manage to sit without sloping too much.  In front of you is a bare wooden table that looks a bit like a trestle table from the local church.

The clientele is predominately male; sat around the tables in groups of 3 or 4 .  Now in between the bar and the Tarmac is what I would loosely call a car park, but there is no order to it at all, and the cars just park and in some cases drive in between the tables!   And no one bats an eyelid.

Normally when I go, which is usually about twice a month, when I’ve plucked up the courage to walk into this group of people on my own.  I get the usual inquisitive looks as I am the only ‘masungu’ there.  A member of the bar staff comes up gives me the obligatory 2 chairs next to a table which probably  has people already sitting there.  I order the customary “Green” which is a bottle of Carlsberg lager.  This is the main drink for everyone, or if you really want to live dangerously you have a “Special” which actually to me tastes exactly the same just costs 400 Kwacha more !

Most of the time the people on the table will engage you in conversation, curious about where you are from , what you are doing, where you live etc.  You can pretty much guarantee that you will get a conversation of sorts every time. However, I do on occasions seem to get targetted by two groups of people, and as long as you know that its fine.  The response to both these groups is pretty much the same.  There’s the gentleman who Im sure just waits for me to sit down before he pulls up his two chairs and says in a slightly slurred but extremely loud voice (which reminds me of the “Nutter on the bus” sketch where every looks and thinks Please dont let him sit next to me, Please dont and then thank goodness he’s not sat next to me ! ) ” Welcome to Kenya, Im from Nairobi !”  …….. well he sits next to me !

This is kind of strange as I’m in Mangochi in Malawi, but  if he thinks he’s in Kenya, who I am to worry.  He has now started to welcome me by shouting “Hello Scotty” because he thinks Im from Scotland.  I just merely agree with him and try to look away as he just talks non-stop telling me about Kenya slurring his words on a regular basis.   The other group are the ones who come up and because you stand out from everyone else come up and tell you their life history, quite soberly, but they do so just to practice their English.

And talking about practicing their English – there is another group that is really keen to do this but it’s not in the bars its out on the roads……… ….. and thats the Malawian Traffic Police.  Now I definitely don’t have a photo of this after my last little escapade with them but on all roads there are Police road blocks.

Actually I risked life and limb to day and sneaked one as the usual transportion laden with bags and people went through.

Sometimes there is a barrier which can be lifted or more commonly it consists of three oil drums, one  in the middle of the road, and another at either side of the road.  Across the two of the oil drums is a bar that pretty much remains static.  The bar just stretches across one side of the road.  On the other side is a traffic cone. By the side of the road are generally four or five Traffic police.  Some are in Uniform, others just dressed casually, not sure who they are but they all do a similar job.  One at least carries a gun. As you approach this road block, you come to a halt.  Very often you cant even see the police.  Sometimes they are in a small hut or generally just sitting on the ground.

At this point, they exert their authority !  They never ever rush. After what can seem like hours, they walk very very slowly towards the barrier.  At this point you are thinking, please, please……… go on walk to the cone and kick it to the side!.  If this happens they kick it 2 or 3 times to the side of the road and you are free to drive/ride on through, generally giving what is probably quite close to a salute as you go through.  However if you are unlucky, as I was last week the following happens ………….

 

Im happily going through a trading centre called Masuku,….. a route I take almost daily, but this time  there was a temporary Road Block.. True to form I stop and wait for the “kick”   I get the slow walk, but this time he walks to the car, ………  thoughts ” Really?     Just kick the cone twice !” but no he comes up to the window.  I wind it down.  First words after exchanging the only greeting I know – Muli bwanji  ( How are you – sort of !! ) Ndili bwino, Kai enu ?zikomo ( I am well, How are you?  thank you ) and then after that Im lost.  As in all foreign languages after the first few phrases Im generally lost, and just keep repeating yes in what ever country Im in – Oui, oui has got me through a lot of really complicated discussions in France – havent understood a word but Im the only one that knows that !  So in Malawi I’ve been saying “Ai”  which sounds similar to the Scottish Aye meaning yes.

Until only very recently I’ve discovered I’ve been saying ‘No” to everyone as “Ai” actually means “No” !   I mean who’d have thought it ! No wonder they look at me strangely !

Anyway, after exchanging the customary greetings, out come those famous Traffic Policeman’s words …………  “We’re thirsty”

Kind of stumps you – so you respond with – Oh dear or words to that effect. Then he repeats it several times.  I respond with “That’s a shame” Oh dear”  “So am I ”  “I havent got any drinks!” and so the conversation goes round in a circle, until eventually he gives up and kicks the cone not in frustration but thats what his left foot is for .

I carry on with my journey to the school.  On my return I stop at a Trading Centre and think Im sure they will still be there, so i buy 2 bottles of Fanta.  Now in Malawi you have to understand that Fanta is a generic term for any fizzy drink If it’s Sprite or Sobo or Coca cola – its all Fanta ! So I buy my 2 bottles of Fanta and set off.  And sure enough the temporary road block is still there.

I stop.  Wait the customary 3 minutes and along he walks a bit like an umpire when he goes to consult the other umpire in a game of cricket ( no idea where that simile  came from  …..must be my English heritage ) and up he comes to the window.  I wind it down feeling particularly pleased with myself and before he can Mulli my Bwanji I say Ive bought you 2 drinks !!! His immediate response ………………….   “There’s four of us !” ……… Damn I never thought to look !   Anyway I say something like I’ll remember next time and drive on. However, only yesterdayI was told that when they say they are thirsty, it actually means they would like some money !   No wonder he looked disappointed with 2 bottles of ‘Fanta”

I carry on my journey back home, only to be stopped again some 20 km further down the road ……. a police block with oil drums and cone!   And over walks a rather portly gentleman who I recognise from previous encounters, dressed in Traffic Policeman’s uniform. “Muli ……….” and “Indili …….” given.  He greeted me like a long lost friend.

“Where are you going?   I saw you going out this morning”

“Yes I saw you too.  Im going home to Mangochi” I replied

“Will you give me a lift to Idrusi as I’m in need of some chips?   I am hungry !”

Now did that mean he really was hungry or does he just need money for chips ? I decide on the latter, and reply in a most positive way …… “Of course I can give you a lift.”

“Thats great,. Can you give me a lift back as well?”

Well when a portly Malawian Officer of the Law asks a question its normally best to answer  “Of course I can …….No problem !” …. as he tucks his rifle under the car seat and off we go …..

It’s all in a days work !

And talking of a journey home just had to take these photos as an example of a journey home from work – beats the M6 at rush hour !

 

 

Next blog and definitely no procrastination  more about working with  and training Head Teachers and Teachers as part of the Project – fun times !