Category: Roads

Chance of a Lifetime -Last Chapter of Mikes Mad Malawian Idea

Twelve months of living in a totally different environment, culture, existence – you name it, it’s very different.  Those twelve months have come to an end. Just far far too many things to remember and experiences that have happened. But of course although the country may be beautiful it’s the people that make it.  And I have met some amazing people over the last twelve months.

Most of them belong to the “school environment” but there have been other chance encounters with others as I sit drinking in a bar or on a beach or even just walking down the road – the plumber, the builder, the mechanic, the fisherman.

 

 

 

All wanting to talk and make friends, – “Will you be my uncle?” “Can I be your friend” and of course the classic “Give me money”  But even this is not done in any aggressive way but more with a smile on the face and a cheeky grin.

 

I don’t believe they actually think you will give them money but its more a greeting than anything else. I often suggested that just this once…….  maybe ……… possibly ……… the Malawian could give the Mzungu some money for a change.  This generally brought great guffaws of laughter and a high five – which invariably I missed! and felt rather silly trying to do it 5 seconds after their hand had gone down !

Looking back through my blogs many of them centre around my journeys to and from places; to the schools of course; to trainings of teachers and Head Teachers, to beaches at the side of the lake, down paths that you really don’t think a motor bike should go let alone a car; up hills that are incredibly steep yet unbelievably people are pushing bikes that are over ladened with enormous bags of charcoal or wood; ladies walking absolutely upright carrying enormous loads of wood or straw on their heads, well over their actually height in length. ( Does that make sense – just very very long pieces of wood !)

Sweat pouring down their faces in the heat of the day.  They do this journey every day, either to sell at the local trading centre, or to their village, or just to sell anywhere!  And every single one of them has a smile on their face.  As you go past either on the bike or the car a raised hand to say hello and a smile always gets a hugely positive reply.

Occasionally and very occasionally you can be going along a path or track and there is no one around…… or so it seems!   But come off your bike ( accidentally) or have a puncture or get stuck in the mud with the car wheels spinning and suddenly when you look up there is a sea of faces!  Where they come from I have no idea. They just appear as if they have been waiting every day for me to come off !!!

 

They just appear from nowhere, and rather than stand and just look, they desperately want to help, to get you sorted in whatever way they can.  They appear magically with the right size spanner to take a wheel off to mend a puncture or straighten a stand.  I did say to one –

 

“Where did that spanner just come from?”  and they just laugh and wink And again always with a huge smile and a tremendous willingness to help.

For the last few days of course I have been visiting the schools, both to say goodbye as well as to check that they are all up and running with the technology and the software.

 

Just 3 of my schools

 

 

 

Despite going to these schools over and over again I always just stand in amazement at just how many Learners are at the schools,literally thousands ………. both inside the classrooms and outside. How few physical classrooms there are. How open the spaces are all around the school. How magnificent the scenery is. How welcoming everyone is to see you.

As you arrive at the school, if you are lucky its directly off “the tarmac”, but many of my schools are along very dusty/muddy (depending on season – wet or dry!) tracks.

Many of these paths go through small trading centres or villages, where everyone stops and watches as you go past.

 

Every time I went through here I just thought it was the set for a “Western” !  Sorry it’s just my strange thought processes

 

The ladies sit on the ground with their tomatoes neatly piled in pyramid shapes on a maize bag, potatoes neatly stacked in small metal buckets that are over flowing with a pyramid shape of potatoes, maize laid neatly like a white carpet drying off in the sun, wooden stalls where vegetables are on display. Women at the water pump which clearly is the meeting place to chat and talk about the recent happenings.  And the ever present shelter made from sticks and straw where the local males congregate to sit and chat, mending bicycles and playing Bao ( a great game played on a wooden board with large hard seeds amazing for maths which probably accounts for why Im rubbish at it ! ) . Everyone watches as you go past, many wave and smile. ……..  Id love to know if they are the same people I pass every time and they recognise me, saying – “Hello here he comes again! ”  ………..I kind of hope they do

You drive/ride into the school and never quite sure where to go as obviously there is no car park ! You just drive literally between the learners who again just stand very still and watch.  You drive close to one of the classrooms or the Learning Centre, hoping that the door and burglar bars that protect the centre are open.  Usually a good sign is if there is a chair outside with a bucket of water outside.
This is for the learners to wash their hands before entering the centre and using the iPads. As you walk into the centre the Learners are in rows sat on wicker mats.  Each one with their iPad and headphones, working through the Masamu (Maths) App or the Chichewa (Language) App.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The teacher walks around the Learners just observing, occasionally talking to a Learner what to do or what not to do.  When I say ‘talk’ thats really a euphemism for  “shout”.  Now thats in the nicest possible way. I’ve told all the teachers this and so its nothing they don’t know.  Malawian teachers are really good at shouting. Thats not shouting because they are cross or angry ( as in a UK teacher shouting at a child within 30 cms of their face, which would produce a crying child in no time at all) but in Malawi they do that to explain what the learner should be doing.  And amazingly the Learner sits …… listens …. and does exactly what they should do………. without batting an eyelid or showing any emotion at all ! I have a theory that they do this because of the class sizes of 200+ and this is really the only way to communicate.  I have tried to get them to just go up and explain in a quiet way what the learner should be doing, but it may last for 2 minutes and then reverts again to “the shout” However, both parties seem perfectly content with this arrangements and the Learners are queuing up at the door to have their go !

 

The Learners iPads are effectively controlled by the teachers iPad The Learners sit with a screen that displays a lock.  The teacher starts the session and the lock disappears and the Learners can begin the session. Usually after 20  minutes ( however long the teacher has set the session for ) the Learners iPad will again display a lock and their session is over.

 

 

 

 

 

Now for the majority of the Unlocking Talent project schools throughout Malawi, (some 130 at present)  the iPads are locked down to just Masamu and Chichewa, but not Mangochi District ………. mine !

 

 

Why because I like to make things difficult for myself as always !!!! Why I have no idea  I think its a self-destruct button The iPads being open also at the request of the Donor – Unicef – but nobody else did it ! See I just like to make things difficult  I must learn the words “No …… It’s too difficult”!

The reason for having an “open” iPad  is it gives the Learners( and Teachers)  the ability to use other Apps. ………provided they don’t need connectivity ! With the iPad being locked to just 1 App, however good the 1 App is and it is excellent for Maths and Language, we are only using a small fraction of the power of the iPad. My schools have used an English Grammar App that exactly mirrors the final exams that Standard 8 Learners have to take………  to great effect with some amazing results.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We’ve also added some Role Model Videos of Malawian Women who are working in important jobs despite many problems whilst growing up.  These videos can be watched by older girls to try to show them that Girls/Women can actually achieve great things through staying on at school.

The use of the Notes for Learners to use the keyboard …… something which they don’t encounter – punctuation, space bar, delete buttons all things they haven’t seen before. Insert images, video, text to be shared amongst the iPads

The Coordinators of each of the schools have learned the technicalities of the iPad and can transfer files, images and documents amongst the iPads to be viewed by the Learners. In this way not only are we giving Learners knowledge but also giving Teachers technological knowledge of the use of mobile devices.  Something which gives them huge enthusiasm and great excitement  …….. it does me as well They love learning how to use the technology. Ive trained, Teachers, Head Teachers, Inspectors, Advisers …… all of whom have shown a real enthusiasm for the tool and can see the huge potential – tip of the iceberg comes to mind.

The potential of the project Unlocking Talent is enormous.  Sadly sometimes the organisation and project management can hinder rather than advance the project.  But I guess that’s true of many projects.  Education Specialist Volunteers, like myself,  carry out many activities and supported by good organisational management the results are indeed amazing.  Of course there are frustrations, but then you have to continually remind yourself that you are working in an African Country that is one of the poorest in the world. And the vast majority of Malawians really want their country to achieve and improve ……… this is particularly true of the dedicated group of teachers and Head Teachers with whom I have been working.

I could go on and on about the special moments that I have enjoyed during the last 12 months  ……….. “No please don’t !” i hear you say and for those of you who have already stopped reading  ……… well you haven’t got this far anyway !   Amongst many of the images that I have in my head of my experiences, there are 2 that stand out.  One i have a photo of and the other I follow the advice of many people who say – put the mobile/camera away and just enjoy the experience …………

Ive mentioned about when you go into the Learning centres all the Learners are sat on mats with their iPads  If all is good the teacher is walking around checking that the iPads are working and the Learners aren’t stuck on something.  Sometimes because the App is an individualised program the Learners just work their way through the program with no need for help from the teacher (or at least that’s the perception of the teacher).  As a result the teacher sits down somewhere and has a rest or secretly goes on their mobile and sends texts ( shhhhhhhhhhh don’t tell anyone !)

But occasionally you witness something very special.  

I recently saw this teacher in the photograph get down to the Learner, who had special needs and spend at least 15 minutes on supporting him.  This would be impossible within the teachers classroom setting of 200+ learners in a pretty small classroom with very limited resources – certainly no time for 1:1

 

 

But here was the teacher spending time with an individual guiding them through the knowledge needed ………… nothing to do with technology but about advancing the Learners understanding of very simple basics of number.  In the classroom this Learner would have struggled.  The technology supported the learning of the child.  To those who say why use technology when the country needs so much else …………… this is why technology is so important …….. it literally empowers the learner – not technological empowerment but Knowledge and skills empowerment so important for individuals growing up as well as the future of Malawi.

The other image of course is related to a journey.  You wouldn’t expect anything else ! It was a Friday and the area I work in is mainly Muslim.  This particular Friday was Eid al-Fitr  All schools and public offices were closed.  It was a National Holiday.  But of course there were things I needed to do in a school so I arranged with the school, Mdinde school, to meet a teacher and adapt some iPads that weren’t particularly behaving. I visited the school, sorted out the iPads and commenced my return journey.  This journey took me on one of the most difficult tracks that i journey along – in the rainy season its just mud and extremely slippy and in the Dry season its just pure sand and extremely slippy.

 

Fortunately i was in my car as this is the track where on several occasions on my bike the ground has come up to meet me, and Malawians appear to assist.  As Im driving along the track taking care as even in a car the sand doesn’t make it easy to drive, I see ahead a large group of women coming towards me.  Effectively blocking the road, dancing and singing at the tops of their voices.  I slowed down and hadn’t got a clue what to do.  As they got to the car ……..  to use a biblical expression they parted like the waters of the Red Sea and just continued around the car.  I was surrounded by approximately 500 women just singing, dancing, smiling, waving, laughing …………. I just sat in the car inanely smiling back at them and returning their waves.  By this time I had completely stopped.  After what seemed like hours but was probably only a few minutes, the whole entourage carried on its way down the track, singing, dancing, smiling, waving high fiving, waving flags whilst I sat now on my own in the car and just went

” Wow!” This was their way of celebrating Eid.  An amazing event.

I carried on along the track only to see in the distance another group of women from the next village.  This group seemed slightly larger than the last one.  Forewarned about what was to happen I pulled the car over to the side of the track and waited for the swarm to approach.  On they came all wearing amazingly bright coloured Chitenjes (rectangular cloth wrapped around their body ) singing, dancing, waving flags, laughing, smiling, waving flags.  As they surrounded the car yet again many clearly wanted to high five me as they went past.  I started to move a bit like “dad dancing” as I sat in the car.  Many of the women noticed and applauded – Im sure not for my dad dancing but for sort of joining in with their celebration.  At this point I think I must have been caught up in the moment and throwing all caution to the wind – as you do when faced with a situation such as this !  I opened my car door and joined them in their procession, singing, dancing smiling, and laughing.  There was I surrounded by more than 500 women in one of the most rural parts of Malawi, dancing ( well just jigging a bit if i was honest)  ……… well known for my previous dancing exploits and severely embarrassing my off spring on many occasions, “Dad,  just stop !”….

I put all they had taught me and “Dad danced” all the way down the track with more than 500 women. Huge howls of laughter went up, cheering and just sheer pleasure, from both 500 women and myself ………… is this a Guinness book of records – hahahah.

It was a moment that just didn’t warrant taking out my mobile to record ……. it was indeed a “just live for the moment” experience.  After a while they continued on their way and I had a long but fantastic walk back to my car. …….. still ‘Dad dancing’ !

As some would say “A Chance of a Lifetime”

Why did I get out of the car and join in …………  ” Carpe Diem ”

 

And while Ive been out here i have had so many “Chances of a Lifetime” Every moment, every chance  has been amazing.   ……………. But I couldn’t have done it and remained sane without my truly amazing family and friends who have kept in touch and given me so much encouragement over the last 12 months.  To all of you I say a huge

THANK YOU – THANK YOU SO SO MUCH

Zikomo kwambiri

Will this be the last blog ?

I’m back – but not for long ! Whats been happening ?

To be absolutely honest Im not sure how to start this blog and definitely don’t know how to end it !  The middle is looking a bit doubtful as well.  You’ve had a gap of almost 2 and a half months without having to put yourself through this drivel ( is that right or is it “drivle” or “dribble” or “dibble” – no definitely not that ‘cos he was an officer of the law – Officer Charlie Dibble, Top Cat, Spook, Benny the Ball, Choo Choo, The Brain, Spook, Fancy-Fancy – how sad am I   and I can picture them as well !!!!! !) Anyway I digress. Parts of this Im going to only touch on briefly and parts Im going to expand upon – I’ll probably get it the wrong way round but hey story of my life!

Some of you may wonder why I haven’t written this driv……. rubbish for such a while.  Well back in April I had to unexpectedly fly back home due to a health issue to Laura,  eldest daughter  or as they would say out here in Malawi – my first born !  This is the bit that Im going to briefly mention.  Suffice it to say that she is an amazing person and someone that I know all of us are truly truly proud of.  She is currently undergoing treatment and has such a positive spirit that it just blows us all away!

 

 

Love her  My first born with her third born – I think or it could be the second born by a couple of minutes !  Ill get it right which is which one day !

 

 

Anyway moving on swiftly ………… after lots of discussions I returned a couple of weeks ago to Malawi to see the rest of my time out and to complete all the necessary tasks that one has to do before leaving a country that they’ve lived in for 12 months -like selling a car ( now that really is a whole blog in itself and even I would fall asleep if I went through that one !; getting police clearance to leave; packing all the things that you left behind previously;  doing all the things that you had 12 months to do them in but for some reason you leave it till the last 2 weeks and then you can’t fit them all in; ( or is that just me and my procrastination – world champion at that for the last 20 years running !); and of course seeing all the people that have been so much a part of a very strange life for the last 12 months.

 

And return I did to complete my final 4 weeks in Malawi. I arrived to a much colder than I remembered Malawi and of course didn’t pack any jumpers as such – strange how you remember it being hot as its Africa when in reality its flipping cold in their winter – like now – particularly in the evenings.  But never mind Id soon be away from the coldness of the capital, Lilongwe to the warmer climes of Mangochi and the Lake.

Well I needn’t have worried about not packing a jumper as my bag didn’t arrive at the same time as I did. Readers of previous blogs know that this is becoming a habit of watching lots of brightly coloured bags going round and round until you’re just  left standing just watching a moving belt with just one pink bag that just keeps going round and round.  It’s not yours but you’re the only person standing watching it.  

Strangely I even took a photograph of my bag before I left the Uk – weird thing to do have a bag selfie ! but it came in very useful when trying to describe my bag to a Malawian official who was clearly at the end of his shift – I mean it wasn’t his fault ! and he didn’t speak much english – I mean why should he !  So with very small rucksack and just the clothes I travelled in I spend the next few days waiting patiently for the phone call – “Your bag has arrived” ! yeeeee ………….

On the getting to the warmer climate in Mangochi that didn’t go so well either as the powers that be found it difficult to arrange transport for me so that I could actually start doing what i was supposed to do ( my car having practically blown up on my journey to the airport in April – well nobody told me you had to put water in it ! )

Well after kicking my heels for a week in the capital, taking in a few “greens” and listening to some pretty cool jazz in a very un-Malawian bar , transport was finally arranged and I arrived to do what I had come to do but now all I had left was just under 3 weeks. So off I set ………

Up bright and early to get an early start.    Sit on the bike first thing in the morning (about 6:30) probably not quite awake and attempt to kick start it. Nothing happens. No life at all.  After many attempts still no life.  Then my friendly guard says,

” Petrol ?”

“Of course I’ve got p…….”  mmmm maybe not.  Shake the tank and not a lot of sloshing about of petrol !!!  Why dont Bikes have petrol gauges ???  Right so off I go with my empty plastic 2 litre Ginger beer bottle and start to walk to the garage but they call it a filling station which is probably more accurate description………’cos thats what they do ….. fill……. that is when they have petrol which isn’t always certain by any means. And to b e fair they always clean your windscreen as well.  Starting to walk to the filling station I spy a passing “Njinga” thats a bicycle taxi to you and me. ( I think thats how you spell it ) N is silent as the p in swimming – ( the old ones are the best !)

“Eeeway” I shout   ( and thats definitely not how you spell it but it could be sounded out properly by an average Yr1 pupil ready to do his/her Phonics test of made up words !)  Actually it’s “Ewa” A quick translation from the Chichewa is  “Oi You”  Often used to young Learners when they are maybe doing something they shouldn’t !   He stops of course and waits for me to catch him up.  “Filling station” I say He looks at me like Ive just asked him to be my get away driver from a bank robbery !   “Its that direction” I say  He replies with a nod.  On the back I get clutching my plastic 2Litre Ginger beer bottle.

 

Well its no longer rainy season but the dry season and what Ive noticed is that they attempt to fill all the ruts that have been made in the rainy season with sand so that it sort of smooths out the road

Which is all well and good if you’re walking, and even if you’re good bicycle rider on your own.  But given a novice rider with a passenger on the back ( clutching his 2Litre Plastic Ginger Beer bottle ) and it makes things very difficult. The first hint of this was when I sat on the back and the front wheel reared up like it was saying ” right lets go”  This brought wry smiles from other passing Jingas, and I wasn’t sure if it was my fault for sitting too far back or the novice Jinga cyclist for not putting down pressure on the handle bars.  Well off we set.   We made about 10 yards I would say before the bike sort of skids from side to side in the sand coming to a grinding halt. We both kept our footing but as my Jinga turned around  the look on his face sort of said ” well you get off and walk and I’ll push the bike”.  I dutifully did so. We walked about 50 yards together like this.  The thought did cross my mind that I was actually paying for walking alongside a bicycle that was meant to be giving me a lift – clever !

dav

After the 50 yards I mounted again and with a certain uncertainty we started off again , only to come to a halt some 50 yards further down the road.  The process repeated itself several times until we crossed the tarmac.  This was also done with a certain amount of trepidation as you can imagine.  Picture the scene over 100 bicycles coming along the road, both ways,  and you have to cross this road to get to the path on the other side.  In a car its difficult, on a motor bike its difficult, on a bicycle on your own its pretty difficult to judge it, but on a bicycle with a passenger on the back it take s a while to get up a head of steam, and by the time you start moving the gap you were aiming for has gone.   I was going to suggest that I got off and crossed the road on foot and met him on the other side, but as I had already walked half the distance I thought Id get my moneys worth. A couple of times his front wheel clipped passing Jingas who gave him looks which suggested ” Amateur or Novice” But eventually as we got to the other side my Jinga was heard to say in a very Malawian accent, ” Don’t worry about a thing”.  I did think he was going to burst into a Bob Marley number  but I merely responded with – “Me worried ; Nooooo” At this point he stopped, turned to me and said that we had run out of road.  What he meant was that he didn’t know the way.  So not only was I walking half the way I now how to direct him to the filling station.  Mission accomplished and now a full 2Litre plastic Ginger Beer bottle filled with petrol …… what do you mean unsafe ……… noooooo 😉

Hurriedly putting the petrol into the bike as by this time I WAS LATE  – I know thats difficult to uinderstand of me but occasionally it happens !  Bike starts beautifully once it has petrol.

Now the sharp eyed amongst you will have noticed that on my motor bike there are two stands for two wing mirrors but only one wing mirror.  This is because when the dirt tracks and myself meet, the wing mirror is one of the first things to get damaged.  And to only have one wing mirror is a disadvantage to say the least, particularly when passing goats and cows who suddenlt decide to change direction.  The cost of a wing mirror in Malawi is 30,000 Kwacha ( or so my guard told me – hmmmmm)  which is approximately £30, thats because you cant buy one.  Well not wishing to spend that I sourced some Malawian Super Glue which is said would hold 3 ton !  Should do the trick nicely, spending all evening gluing the mirror back on.  Success, in the morning I checked and it seemed to have done the trick. So Bike full of petrol, two wing mirrors  – sorted

After about 10 minutes the wing mirror falls off ! Clearly Malawian Super glue is not that super and may not even be glue ! The rest of the day is mono-mirror and to be honest the rest of my time in Malawi ! But it does make a great Helmet stand though

Then after a few minutes came across this scene which I have now learned to my cost that you take seriously.  What has happened is a bag of grain has fallen off either a wagon or a Njinga ( and you now know how to say it ) and spilt across the road.  The first time I saw it, I wasn’t sure what to do so just drove careful through it – followed by a crowd of irate Malawians chasing after me !   I thought that they would just dispose of it but of course they don’t  All the traffic stops and everyone lends a hand to sweep up the grain and re bag it – Nothing is ever thrown away in Malawi – the ultimate recycling – use and re-use and re-use and re-use.  What you dont do is drive through it   You just wait until every grain is swept up and I mean every grain !

So not the best start to my return, with baggage, no car, delay in arriving in Mangochi, no petrol,  no wing mirror and late ! but undeterred I carry on to visit my first school.  And that is actually, as the say,  where the day turns around.  I walk in though the door of the Learning Centre and see 30 Learners so intent on their work on their iPads that they dont look up, ( well a few might !) they just carry on with what they are doing.

 

The teacher just quietly walking amongst them, supporting here and there. A scene of absolute focussed on-task learning. Ofsted “Outstanding” !  Ouch did I really say that word!  You may ask what are the curtains for – i’s a school initiative and I’ll let you guess – tell you in the next blog – hehe

 

You may say well thats exactly how it should be, but this is a million miles away from a typical Malawian classroom of 250 Standard 2 Learners ( 7 year olds in general but some or even many are not !) with a teacher teaching at the front or even sitting at the front. And in many circumstances in their classroom which is a tree

 

 

 

And to cap the day off as I drive into my compound these three cheeky girls say the usual Malawian expression -“Hi How are you/ Very Well thank you ! ”  and

I nearly fall off my bike laughing

I have briefly mentioned in a previous blog the sort of things that I’m involved in while in Malawi, but I feel its worth a separate blog, Head Teacher training, Teacher training, setting up Learning Centres, Supporting the use of Learning Centres,  Inspector training and PEA training – what’s a PEA I hear you ask, well it doesn’t come in a pod ! .  And with less than 2 weeks before departing back to the UK and boring everyone with my exploits ( free bookings taken for schools of course ! – seriously) thats I challenge that I will accept

Driving, Drinking and Bollards

I’m still here !!!

How time flies !  Every morning when I get up I say I’m really going to write something, and every evening when I get home I think – definitely tomorrow – Procrastination love it !   Done it all my life why should I stop now ! The only trouble is it doesnt get things done ! So it was a toss up – should i stay in and write a blog piece or just go to the local bar and have a drink.  Well as you can see the blog won.  Now if the bar had have won let me try to explain what its like. Im not sure I have any photographs of it, so here goes.

First of all its on the main tarmac road of Mangochi. In the picture its just behind the tree, which I agree is a bit rubbish but its the only one I have, so hopefully you get the picture – (no pun intended but if you want it you can have it !)

It is just by 2 excessive speed bumps.  And when I say excessive I mean huge !

On all the roads there are speed bumps which are preceded by rumble strips, generally 3 sets  but occasionally 4 sets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The picture is a typical Trading Centre.  If you look carefully you can see the rumble strips. Trying to negotiate the “Rumbles’ at the same time as the people is not an easy task – and try doing it at night when there is no light whatsoever !

The cars, and they are mainly public transport mini buses or trucks laden with bags, sacks and people, slow down at these rubble strips at a quite ridiculous pace. They almost come to a halt, as you go over each rumble at slower than walking pace.  This results in you feeling every rumble as you go over each one.  Now my philosophy is if you go over them a little faster you could get the bump all at once. But I guess the Malawian mini buses know what they are doing as they look at me aghast as I take the whole set of strips at running pace !   These strips are before every town and trading centre, after every town and training centre , and in every town and trading centre – Get the gist – there are a lot of them, and when you go over them on the motor bike thats another story.

Then of course there are the Speed humps which really are vicious, and the good old Mini-bus drivers slow down even more, almost where the passengers have to get out and push the minibus over the hump.  But having said that I have met a few too many humps at probably a greater speed than I should and thought …….. Oh No ……… but its too late now as my front wheels take off and the contents of the car end up on the floor and again when on the motor bike its generally a shout of  “Geronimo !”

 

I digress ……….. as ever …….The bar  as I said is situated on the main tarmac road    Its called Sun City ‘ with Peace and Love Bottle store next door ……… 

Its a room that you never really go into. Well I have seen one or two disappear into there but you never see them come out again !   You sit outside on plastic chairs that have a tendency to have a broken leg so that when you sit on it the fourth leg tends to spray out and it feels like you are like a baby giraffe with its legs sprayed out .  To over come this the bar staff, who wait on outside and give you one of these seats to sit on, generally as soon as you sit down give you a second chair to place over the first chair to sit on which if you’re lucky has a different leg that is broken so that you can manage to sit without sloping too much.  In front of you is a bare wooden table that looks a bit like a trestle table from the local church.

The clientele is predominately male; sat around the tables in groups of 3 or 4 .  Now in between the bar and the Tarmac is what I would loosely call a car park, but there is no order to it at all, and the cars just park and in some cases drive in between the tables!   And no one bats an eyelid.

Normally when I go, which is usually about twice a month, when I’ve plucked up the courage to walk into this group of people on my own.  I get the usual inquisitive looks as I am the only ‘masungu’ there.  A member of the bar staff comes up gives me the obligatory 2 chairs next to a table which probably  has people already sitting there.  I order the customary “Green” which is a bottle of Carlsberg lager.  This is the main drink for everyone, or if you really want to live dangerously you have a “Special” which actually to me tastes exactly the same just costs 400 Kwacha more !

Most of the time the people on the table will engage you in conversation, curious about where you are from , what you are doing, where you live etc.  You can pretty much guarantee that you will get a conversation of sorts every time. However, I do on occasions seem to get targetted by two groups of people, and as long as you know that its fine.  The response to both these groups is pretty much the same.  There’s the gentleman who Im sure just waits for me to sit down before he pulls up his two chairs and says in a slightly slurred but extremely loud voice (which reminds me of the “Nutter on the bus” sketch where every looks and thinks Please dont let him sit next to me, Please dont and then thank goodness he’s not sat next to me ! ) ” Welcome to Kenya, Im from Nairobi !”  …….. well he sits next to me !

This is kind of strange as I’m in Mangochi in Malawi, but  if he thinks he’s in Kenya, who I am to worry.  He has now started to welcome me by shouting “Hello Scotty” because he thinks Im from Scotland.  I just merely agree with him and try to look away as he just talks non-stop telling me about Kenya slurring his words on a regular basis.   The other group are the ones who come up and because you stand out from everyone else come up and tell you their life history, quite soberly, but they do so just to practice their English.

And talking about practicing their English – there is another group that is really keen to do this but it’s not in the bars its out on the roads……… ….. and thats the Malawian Traffic Police.  Now I definitely don’t have a photo of this after my last little escapade with them but on all roads there are Police road blocks.

Actually I risked life and limb to day and sneaked one as the usual transportion laden with bags and people went through.

Sometimes there is a barrier which can be lifted or more commonly it consists of three oil drums, one  in the middle of the road, and another at either side of the road.  Across the two of the oil drums is a bar that pretty much remains static.  The bar just stretches across one side of the road.  On the other side is a traffic cone. By the side of the road are generally four or five Traffic police.  Some are in Uniform, others just dressed casually, not sure who they are but they all do a similar job.  One at least carries a gun. As you approach this road block, you come to a halt.  Very often you cant even see the police.  Sometimes they are in a small hut or generally just sitting on the ground.

At this point, they exert their authority !  They never ever rush. After what can seem like hours, they walk very very slowly towards the barrier.  At this point you are thinking, please, please……… go on walk to the cone and kick it to the side!.  If this happens they kick it 2 or 3 times to the side of the road and you are free to drive/ride on through, generally giving what is probably quite close to a salute as you go through.  However if you are unlucky, as I was last week the following happens ………….

 

Im happily going through a trading centre called Masuku,….. a route I take almost daily, but this time  there was a temporary Road Block.. True to form I stop and wait for the “kick”   I get the slow walk, but this time he walks to the car, ………  thoughts ” Really?     Just kick the cone twice !” but no he comes up to the window.  I wind it down.  First words after exchanging the only greeting I know – Muli bwanji  ( How are you – sort of !! ) Ndili bwino, Kai enu ?zikomo ( I am well, How are you?  thank you ) and then after that Im lost.  As in all foreign languages after the first few phrases Im generally lost, and just keep repeating yes in what ever country Im in – Oui, oui has got me through a lot of really complicated discussions in France – havent understood a word but Im the only one that knows that !  So in Malawi I’ve been saying “Ai”  which sounds similar to the Scottish Aye meaning yes.

Until only very recently I’ve discovered I’ve been saying ‘No” to everyone as “Ai” actually means “No” !   I mean who’d have thought it ! No wonder they look at me strangely !

Anyway, after exchanging the customary greetings, out come those famous Traffic Policeman’s words …………  “We’re thirsty”

Kind of stumps you – so you respond with – Oh dear or words to that effect. Then he repeats it several times.  I respond with “That’s a shame” Oh dear”  “So am I ”  “I havent got any drinks!” and so the conversation goes round in a circle, until eventually he gives up and kicks the cone not in frustration but thats what his left foot is for .

I carry on with my journey to the school.  On my return I stop at a Trading Centre and think Im sure they will still be there, so i buy 2 bottles of Fanta.  Now in Malawi you have to understand that Fanta is a generic term for any fizzy drink If it’s Sprite or Sobo or Coca cola – its all Fanta ! So I buy my 2 bottles of Fanta and set off.  And sure enough the temporary road block is still there.

I stop.  Wait the customary 3 minutes and along he walks a bit like an umpire when he goes to consult the other umpire in a game of cricket ( no idea where that simile  came from  …..must be my English heritage ) and up he comes to the window.  I wind it down feeling particularly pleased with myself and before he can Mulli my Bwanji I say Ive bought you 2 drinks !!! His immediate response ………………….   “There’s four of us !” ……… Damn I never thought to look !   Anyway I say something like I’ll remember next time and drive on. However, only yesterdayI was told that when they say they are thirsty, it actually means they would like some money !   No wonder he looked disappointed with 2 bottles of ‘Fanta”

I carry on my journey back home, only to be stopped again some 20 km further down the road ……. a police block with oil drums and cone!   And over walks a rather portly gentleman who I recognise from previous encounters, dressed in Traffic Policeman’s uniform. “Muli ……….” and “Indili …….” given.  He greeted me like a long lost friend.

“Where are you going?   I saw you going out this morning”

“Yes I saw you too.  Im going home to Mangochi” I replied

“Will you give me a lift to Idrusi as I’m in need of some chips?   I am hungry !”

Now did that mean he really was hungry or does he just need money for chips ? I decide on the latter, and reply in a most positive way …… “Of course I can give you a lift.”

“Thats great,. Can you give me a lift back as well?”

Well when a portly Malawian Officer of the Law asks a question its normally best to answer  “Of course I can …….No problem !” …. as he tucks his rifle under the car seat and off we go …..

It’s all in a days work !

And talking of a journey home just had to take these photos as an example of a journey home from work – beats the M6 at rush hour !

 

 

Next blog and definitely no procrastination  more about working with  and training Head Teachers and Teachers as part of the Project – fun times !